Cookies & Cream

plans were made to be altered....

2012-01-29T05:37:00.002+08:00

(this post is mainly directed at my cousin :p ..)

when i started 2nd year.. it was my aim to secure an internship here and not go home during summer..... and i thought my heart would be tough enough to keep me resolute..

but when it came to applying for an internship..it felt like it was so difficult to do!! so many questions.. the need to edit the CV again.. writing a cover letter.. not knowing HOW to answer the questions in an intelligent way coz lets face it, nobody wants to sound stupid -.- ...

and this CNY my family really knew how to tug at my heart strings.... asking me when i'll be going home..repeatedly... and everytime i'd say i don't know... telling me they're waiting for me so we can do some fun activities... and it's times like these when i feel truly blessed to have such a close-knit family.. :') and now i'm just thinking how much my nieces have grown up while i was here (i know, they're not my kids but i do sayang them a lot :3 )

so in the end, i submitted ONE application and i submitted it 5 days before the deadline... the result? an almost instant rejection ... it was either i was an incredibly weak applicant, or they've filled up all the spots and i sure do wish it was because they haven't got any spaces left (which is very likely >< )

on to plan B.. applying for malaysian internships :p ... they're so much easier to do actually... but hopefully i'll manage to get something...

-llen-

deep breaths..

2012-01-17T08:39:00.002+08:00

sometimes people say things that hurt..
and you'll never know if they mean it unless you ask them point blank

i've been trying to tell myself that if i know them to be my friends, they can't possibly mean it and it may be me who is being sensitive or they slipped up for a while..

but sometimes when a close friend says something that really stings it's just hard to move past it.. it's also a sorta enlightening moment.. now i know what you really think of me..

with time i will forget about it.. but it's not easy..
forgiving may be easy..but the forgetting...

-llen-

i should stop thinking bout the old days......

2012-01-15T09:19:00.002+08:00

people make new memories.. they move on, leave the past behind..
new memories overwrite the old ones
i used to think i remembered events and gatherings quite well but even my memory's been a little rusty...

thinking about stuff that happened..places i went with friends..food i ate :p.. college, secondary school, primary school, and vague memories of kindy days and some of pre-kindy too.. i guess that's just the way i index my memories..

and when i looked at an album i haven't looked at in a long time, i couldn't help but smile like a crazy person at my laptop screen.. remembering the stuff we said then..what we did...

we've all changed a lot.. physically it's more noticable for girls i suppose..hehe..(the guys don't seem to have changed much..) i see how much my friends have blossomed into the way they look now :) .. appearance-wise aside, i guess we've all grown up.. we've started going our separate ways a while ago but even more so now.. we've grown out of some of the things we used to say/do (for example, aluba -.- ..then again, i dunno if the guys still do that..haha) .. and we might just have grown out of each other a little bit..

wonder when the next gathering with at least 95% attendance rate will be... :)

-llen-

go wild..

2012-01-12T08:33:00.002+08:00

once in a while it's good i guess.. and with good company of course...

i've gotten quite a lot of "feedback" on the way i am with people recently.. i didn't go asking people what they thought of me, they just tell other people who are meeting me for the first time the way they perceive me so..yea, indirect feedback... and generally it goes something like "she's always so quiet when you don't know her.. but once you do, she can be really noisy (or hyper? i don't remember the precise word used to describe me) "

and i must admit... i find it quite true as well....

so today, maybe because of my lack-of-sleepness or i've somehow warmed up to the people i was travelling with... i managed to be ridiculous for a change...... (please note, no alcohol was involved..but i did have a mango smoothie :p)

and it felt good... getting it out of the system... :3

coz maybe instead of being quiet...my true nature is that of a crazy person o.O ...

-llen-

a reminder..

2012-01-04T09:50:00.003+08:00

i've always felt like i don't demand much from the people around me.. (and i'd still like to think that i don't)

but i can't deny the fact that sometimes i wish for things that i cannot control to happen.. and i feel bad for feeling that way sometimes and tell myself to be less petty... coz at the end of the day, (as my dad puts it) you can't be everything to everybody...

so yesterday i was reminded.. my existence may not be significant to everyone i know..i may be just someone that's easily forgotten in so many people's lives .. but i'm just grateful that my existence IS significant to SOME people... and that those people never fail to make me smile with everything they do for me, small or big :)

i often wonder what i've done to deserve such awesome family members and friends, who never stop showering me with their love..

turning 20 wasn't too bad after all :)

-llen-

and the silence deafens...

2012-01-03T06:09:00.002+08:00

back from a holiday i'll probably never forget.. :)

i truly am grateful for the hospitality that was shown to me.. the friends i have.. it was hectic at times.. and definitely exhausting.. but it was well worth it...

being back in a flat by yourself after experiencing all that togetherness.. i know i'm gonna miss each and every one of them..

and in a few hours.. ugh.. i've been half dreading this day.. but i guess it was gonna be here whether i liked it or not.. :/
once again there's thoughts running through my head but i'm just too tired to type it out at the moment...

i might turn 20 doing my laundry.. ._.

-llen-

the little things..

2011-12-23T09:11:00.003+08:00

having very unexpected "tang yuan"..
having a day full of chatter and laughter..
having a great meal.. (and great snacks in between and after..)

i may be away from home this holiday season and i may miss a whole bunch of people who are not going to be around me anytime soon.. but i find comfort and joy in the fact that i'm surrounded by people who make me feel like i'm home even if i'm so far away from it..

tonight i'll go to bed with a big wide smile plastered on my face :3

-llen-

Confuscius say....

2011-12-22T02:42:00.002+08:00

I ended my semester with a philosophy exam... i just wanna pass..................... ok.. maybe a mark above 50 but ... *sigh* ..

with the exams over and done with that little feeling of emptiness is creeping in.. my flat's pretty empty now.. the fridge is pretty empty.. i don't have to study anymore, for now..

4 days to Christmas...
3 days to London..
Few hours to Glasgow...

10 days to the end of 2011..
i ain't ready for 2012 ._.

-llen-

coz that's life..

2011-12-15T23:55:00.002+08:00

my cousin once told me, nothing in life is more certain than death (i'm not sure if those were the exact words but that's how i remember it..hehe)

It all started with me watching that video.. and it left me in tears.. i don't know why it did considering i don't know the people in the video..
then it got me thinking about a few people.. i didn't know them personally but i knew about them.. i knew about their struggles.. and i thought i could make a difference somehow..
i don't have the money to donate to various causes.. certainly not enough money to make any difference.. and all i could do all this while was offer up a prayer..
i wish i knew sooner that those prayers had already been answered long ago, the people that i've been praying for aren't around anymore..

i sometimes wonder why things have to be the way they are.. i haven't found all the answers i'm looking for (which is why i'm still looking for them..and i trust that i'll find it someday) but it's things like this that make me ask God why.. why take these people away.. these people who have family and friends who love them, who supported them in their battle.. and they have fought so hard, why take them away?

i'm sorry this all seems a bit depressing..but i just need a place to pour it all out..

and at the end of the day, life for the rest of us goes on doesn't it?

so cherish your loved ones, people :')

-llen-

being thankful..

2011-12-15T04:28:00.002+08:00

it's something i try to remind myself to do everyday..
i'm thankful for the people around me, the people who care for me.. i'm thankful there's food on the table.. i'm thankful for the things i have, both the small and the big .. i'm thankful all my body parts are intact and functioning..

sometimes it's easy to lose sight of everything that we already have.. i'm not saying i don't think about material things from time to time (been thinking of a new camera for a while now..hehe..and little decorative items that i don't need..or soft toys.. :3 gosh i do think about a lot of stuff don't i :/ .. unnecessary ones anyway) and it's certainly not wrong to get something you deserve and you really like.. but sometimes the thought that someone out there doesn't have food or clothes or shelter or anybody to love or who loves them, it gets me down a little.. even makes me guilty for having things i don't need... at the end of all this rambling i guess what i'm trying to say is, no matter how crappy you think life is, there's definitely something you can be thankful for (for example, if you're reading this, having vision is one :) )

of course there is a flipside to all this... and i ain't gonna go into that coz it's just gonna be me debating against myself in a blogpost which i clearly didn't think through properly.. coz i usually don't anyway..hehe.. maybe some other time..hmm..

-llen-

feeling somewhat...invaded...

2011-12-12T08:56:00.002+08:00

There i was.. sitting down with my notes... with nice christmassy music playing..... (and me quietly singing to it..hehe)

then my door opened....
all i could see were hands and legs.. the hands had a cup and a newspaper in them..
legs clad in jeans and feet wrapped in black shoes..

the person at the door paused...

i was stunned....still couldn't see a face
the thoughts that were running through my head were that it'd be one of my flatmates..but even then it'd be odd coz for one, they've never entered my room.. and i'm pretty sure they'd knock first...hmm..

then the door closed and i heard footsteps going out of my flat...........

._. ..

i'm mildly weirded out by the experience.. coz.. i think it was a dude at the door.....though it could be a really tall girl...

but i'm also imagining what the person was thinking.. opening the door to a foreign (not to mention quite messy) room... hehe...

nonetheless..

i'm glad it's a habit that i lock the door when i go to sleep..........

-llen-

more than ever..

2011-12-09T07:16:00.003+08:00

sometimes the obvious things aren't that obvious...

i realise i've been slacking A LOT when it comes to studies, perhaps even more than i used to which is really really bad considering the stakes are higher this time around... not getting a good grade will be just disappointing..and a waste of resources..

but above that, (i know this may sound like some "Mulan" or overdramatic statement but i'm only saying it coz i do feel it).. above the self disappointment and waste of resources, i feel like i'd be bringing shame to my family... not only my parents, brother, but cousins, aunts..uncle.. everyone who's back home, rooting for me (at least i think they are)

and just looking at how my nieces are growing up (in case it isn't clear, they mean quite a lot to me) i suddenly realise that i have a responsibility to do well.. to be, if not a good role model, at least someone who was ok, someone who could in future share with them stuff like how my cousin once shared with me.. well, they might not need me considering their parents are pretty hip and modern :p but hey, if they ever ask me stuff in future, i wanna be able to tell them stuff!

i dunno if this all seems irrational or crazy but i guess at the end of the day, even if it's not for anyone else, i guess i should've realised long ago that i at least owe it to myself, my future self.. to achieve something..

i think my motivation's here :)

-llen-

pause?

2011-12-02T09:54:00.003+08:00

time has passed so quickly.. somehow it feels like time used to move slower.. and it seems like so much time has passed though it's only been almost 2 decades i've been alive...

and as time flows on, life goes on, no pause button. and we go through our various stages of life and struggle to make it out in one piece.. experiences- bitter, sweet.. we fall down, pick ourselves up and move on... coz there's nothing else we can do anyway..

we see the people around us going through THEIR stages in life .. occasionally wondering when it'd be our turn.. granted, not everybody's life takes the same sequence.. but the basic idea is there...

it's december...could someone hit pause?

-llen-

some days..

2011-11-08T04:52:00.002+08:00

can't help but feel like certain people take you for granted.. that certain people want something from you, but aren't willing to give the same thing for you..
yet you hold it in, but the resentment just builds up if you don't let it out..
i wish i could say all this to you but i don't think you'd take it well..
maybe i'm disappointed in you and i don't blame you if you feel disappointed in me
i only wish that i was big enough to take it in, but i guess it's evident i can't do that right now..

i guess i'll be fine in a while.. maybe i'm too sensitive as usual..

anyways, a proper update will follow soon!! the last assignment of this semester will be handed in tomorrow!!!!!! ok, shall go work on it now -.-

-llen-

cobwebs...

2011-10-21T19:52:00.003+08:00

i've abandoned this blog for so long..hehe..

funny thing is i only feel like updating when i should be doing other more important things -. - ..but anyways..here i am..

This month has been a busy one.. though i seem to not know where all my time went.. it's already middle of first sem!!! essays due one after another..urghh.. events popping up.. places to go... internships to apply for.. there'quite a bit on my mind that i worry i might forget to do this or that and i end up worrying more, putting extra load on my mind... *sigh* .. once all these essays are done i'm sure i'd feel better...

I feel like there's a bunch of stuff to update about but my conscience is eating away at me... hmm.. time to crack on with my essay.. will definitely update in november, a proper one..which means it's probably gonna be long... or not... we'll see... till then..

-llen-

remember, remember the 5th of september...

2011-09-06T15:59:00.004+08:00

i really hope i don't ever forget..

Yesterday was a pretty quiet and lonely day spent at home, tidying my room before i leave on wednesday..

i decided on trying the burger king delivery since we hadn't tried it before.. so right after i ordered, i went to take my shower.. just a few minutes after i started, the phone rang.. twice.. i got worried that the delivery might come early.. but it seems it was just mum who called..

then came her message, i'd pass my grade 8 piano with merit!! :D my first time ever obtaining a merit in my practical exam..!!

i was shocked..

it's my 3rd time taking the exam, wasn't expecting much after failing twice..
sure, i walked out of the exam room quite happy with my performance though it wasn't perfect, but i'd been so used to failing or JUST passing that my expectations all this while had just been to pass.. i always believed i didn't have much talent, coz nobody (or nobody whose opinion mattered a lot to me) ever said i was any good..my teacher might've said it out of anger once but she said something along the lines like, i didn't really have the talent.. and remarks like that really affect me..

it wasn't that i didn't enjoy music..i might come across as weird coz i like to listen to certain songs and pick out the instruments in the background, try to identify them and enjoy the extra element they bring to the music..and i always marvel at how people come up with those extra little sounds.. it could be just a little "ting" from a triangle, a harp in the background..sometimes that's all it takes for me to enjoy the song that much more

people usually ignore my playing.. my brother has always been the one everyone praised, and i think still is.. he was the one with the musicality, the flow, the flair.. it made me feel like a robot in comparison.. as though my playing was unfeeling, stiff.. in short, never good enough. even if he didn't attempt grade 8, even when i got higher marks for grade 7.. it all didn't matter coz people made me feel like the exam was nothing, he'd still be better no matter what.

but at the same time, what's different this time was more dedication, more practice i guess.. i felt like i hadn't put in all my effort actually.. but it made me realise, it took just that little bit more of effort, and i could've passed it on my first attempt.. imagine if i'd put in even more effort! i might've done even better.. or maybe i was just lucky this time around..

having said that, i guess passing an exam doesn't really mean that much.. what eventually dampened my joy was my own dad..
he'd come home all happy and proud at first.. then later on he was saying something like it's a good achievement, then he corrected himself and said maybe not very good.. and believe me, it did sting.. (in my mind i was thinking..how could you say it's not a good achievement?!?! and it instantly reminded me of when our tennis coach said i was better than bro and dad did not believe it..and how much it pissed me off)

you might say i have no reason to be proud of myself, failing twice already for the same grade, and i'd been learning for so long, and i have a piano at home for me to practise all i want.. you could say "it's your third time..still don't pass mehhh" ..that's why i didn't retort at dad when he said it wasn't that good an achievement coz i suppose considering the number of attempts, it's not very good i agree.
but to me, it's a pretty big deal coz as i've said, i never got a merit in practical before.. and what more, a merit for grade 8.. and i felt comforted by the fact that at least my old teacher (the one that said i had no talent) was proud of me :)

in the midst of all the joy (and mild annoyance).. i guess most of all, i feel relief.. it's finally over and done with!!

so next up? i might just go and get my diploma ;) ..and i've still got my violin to think about :)

-llen-

in need of a holiday :/

2011-08-17T12:33:00.004+08:00

Though i am on holiday but..*sigh*

sometimes i wish i didn't decide to retake my practical exam..but i know i'd regret if i didn't..
but when it gets in the way of planning a trip or even an outing i can't help but feel like i shouldn't have made this decision.. but what's done is done i suppose.. nothing left to do but to face the music..

meanwhile bro gets to jet around the world while i'm stuck at home.... hmm... worst part is i'm not authorised to drive alone yet.. hrmph..

and then a thought hits me! i could go visit my friends in faraway places too couldn't i?? :D
but guilt pulls me back and i decide to zip my mouth and be reasonable.. maybe next time..

hopefully someday i'll earn a whole load of money and be able to travel wherever i want, guilt-free..

or maybe i should stop being so..demanding..and so whiny.. (it's always after i type something like this out i think about children and people in poverty and how blessed i am already..urgh..ok, i'll stop complaining now..)

-llen-

a saturday in...

2011-08-13T17:37:00.003+08:00

supposed to be celebrating synjoe's birthday tonight but in the end transport issues came up...*sigh* i've had to cancel on quite a few people in these weeks.. feel like i've been disappointing people a lot lately.. gotta make it up to these people somehow :/

but since i'm stuck at home i thought i'd better do something i've been putting off for a long time...

i decided to tidy up my room...... because even though i've tidied it up once since i was back, i managed to mess it all up..yet again.. it's a vicious cycle...but a cycle i've come to accept coz i kinda believe it's something about myself that might never change -.-

so as i go through the empty boxes, the receipts, the tags that come with clothes, empty bottles.. sorting out clothes.. i still find it hard to chuck some things away.. especially the receipts..
yes they are of no use now and i won't ever have the time to go through each and every one and even if one fine day i do find the time it might all be faded already.. but i still find it hard to let go of these tiny pieces of paper..

which explains why after a few hours, my room is no tidier.. in fact, it may even be messier than before -.- ..

*deep breath*

shall get back to work now...

but out of curiosity, does anyone else keep receipts (purely for sentimental purposes), clothes tags or movie ticket stubs? :/

-llen-

being home.....

2011-07-04T01:51:00.002+08:00

So it's been more than a month since i've been home :O ..man does time fly!

i'm pretty slow at organising meet-ups with people...partly coz i don't wanna impose on people seeing as how busy most people are...and i've always been quite passive anyways (working on changing that) .. though so far i've met up with a few people :)

but apart from the friends and the food and the shopping and not missing any big family feasts... there comes a downside to being home..

the lack of freedom compared to while you're away from home.. taking the bus whenever you want to/need to go out! the parents watching your every move (not saying my parents are really such hawks but just that they do nag at me when i don't go out and exercise which kinda makes me even more reluctant to go... i know it's coz i'm fat, it's for my own good and i know i'm weird to feel reluctant to move my butt -.- )

but despite everything..i guess all the plus sides do outweigh the negatives..and now i have just about 2 months' time here.. gonna cherish it well :)

-llen-

impulse..

2011-06-28T03:48:00.002+08:00

never fails to land people in trouble..

be it something i said.. something i did.. something i typed.. how i said something..

sucky thing is when i do something and minutes later realise, i should've done it a different way.. but then it's too late by then isn't it? and i'm human anyhow.....

on the bright side? at least i realise...

-llen-

David Choi @ Bentley Auditorium

2011-06-25T15:21:00.005+08:00

Before I came back I'd already heard that David Choi was coming to Malaysia :) .. so i asked a few friends to see if they'd wanna go together and got mum to get me the tickets..hehe..

Though i must admit, i wasn't exactly his biggest fan.. i only knew a few of his songs but i thought it'd be fun to go anyways and support a youtube artist :) .. plus, it's his first time here and before he gets super popular in future and ticket prices get too expensive, better go now :P ..

Joeann drove us to the curve that day :) .. we still had time for some food so we went to subway before going to Bentley.. when mum bought the tickets the person told her we'd be able to grab our seats at 6pm but *sigh*.. it wasn't true.... when we got there a whole bunch of teenagers were there already!!! i'm not too sure if i'm classified as a teenager but my point is, they were all younger than us........ ._. .. so in the meantime we just sat and waited..

Let me cut to the chase, by the time we went in the good seats had been taken up -.- .. but it was still ok.. was actually a rather small crowd.. around 400 people i think?

Hunny Madu was the opening act.. she sang 2 songs for us before David Choi made his appearance..

The teens surrounding us went wild when they saw him...... they were truly hardcore fans....... but i must say, listening to him sing live is totally different from listening to his CD.. he kinda stripped it down to the basics.. it was just him and his guitar.. and it felt very cosy and comforting listening to him sing.. and he even imparted some of his uhm..love philosophies to us..

after his concert.. i think if he came to malaysia again, i'd definitely go :) ..even if the price went up! hopefully he'll go to the UK to perform :3

so here are some of his songs that i managed to record with my camera.. pardon the shakiness, arms are not strong..hehe :p

Youtube (A love song)

Rocketeer

You were my friend & This and that is life

...long long video of us practising to do the human tsunami which he tweeted -.-

so that's about it!

but lemme end the post by sidetracking and introducing a song i'm currently hooked on :p

-llen-

probably not a multi-tasker.....

2011-06-23T22:25:00.002+08:00

i'm pretty sure of that...

it might be silly of me to be doing this, holding off outings with most other people just so i can be available for my buddy of more than a decade, before she leaves anyway...
hmm..but i think i'll be able to talk myself out of this mindset.. i can't be THAT inflexible..can i? :/ wouldn't be right. wouldn't be fair.. i think there's still a whole bunch of people i've yet to meet up with... i'm not saying it's a burden, don't get me wrong.. i just hope people don't get pissed at me for putting it off for so long ._. ..

what else? heh.. i managed to finish fable 3 in around... 2 days? of course i didn't finish all the side quests but yea..completed the game.. pretty enjoyable..tempted to play again to get a different ending :3

and coming up sooooooon... post on david choi's concert :D ... yea, i'm great at procrastinating...

-llen-

such a failure ._. ..

2011-06-11T21:49:00.002+08:00

1. stupid macarons have defeated me twice ._. ..the only successful attempt was under aunt's supervision and guidance and using her tools... *sigh* ... i'm not gonna give up yet but i ain't gonna make anymore today ): .. too depressing ...

2. cousin CK gave me Fable 3 on my pendrive and i had to extract it.. but when i extracted it kept saying not enough space on the disk which i could understand at first coz my lappy's kinda filled up with series and movies i couldn't bring myself to delete.. but after so many attempts at extracting even after i'd deleted so much i realised... i'd been extracting to my USB ): ): ): ): ... which meant that i didn't have to go and delete so many things grrrrrrrrrrrr.................

whyyy...whyy am i so stupid T.T .............

on a more positive note, bro's coming back next sunday <3 <3 <3 ... :D

-llen-

getting chubbier by the day...

2011-06-05T13:32:00.002+08:00

dad was telling me the other day, being able to eat is a "joy" (some hokkien saying....)

indeed, i am grateful for the food that i'm fed with not just because it's food but also because it tastes really good :) ..being in a family where the women love to cook and cook really well is really nice XD .. but.... sometimes..it gets a little overwhelming :/ ..

before i even came home, my beloved family members have been thinking of the things they want to make for me.. aunt made cinnamon rolls and macarons, another aunt made cheese bread, and a friend's mum even bought me some cake... of course, i'm touched by the way they show me their love...... and now it's ba zhang season.. not to mention the food that i HAVE to eat coz i'm back here...and i haven't had ALL the food i HAVE to eat yet and i'm already packing on the pounds ): ..grr...

whyyyyy.... whyy do i have to love food so much T.T ..

-llen-

day 5..

2011-05-27T04:27:00.003+08:00

5th day of being home... been alright so far :) .. though i was extremely bored on the second day... bored to the point that i whined to mum and dad about it :p ... think i surprised them coz they probably didn't expect me to be bored so soon..heh.. can't wait for bro to come home though :/ .. wonder when i became so attached to him -.- ...

anyways, main reason for this post is to share a song i've been hooked on..hehe :)
it's a pretty old song but one that i just discovered...

yea, it's a sappy love song but somehow i really like the melody of the chorus :3

and, 5 years ago on this date, a little bundle of joy came into this world :) .. she was so tiny.. so fragile.. then she grew to be so chubby and strong.. she was my little potato <3 .. well, she ain't a potato no more..
happy birthday Queen Rachel :)

most recent picture i have of her, modelling the shirt i got for her :3

-llen-

too sentimental...

2011-05-22T04:32:00.002+08:00

packing was tough enough, didn't want to throw out some of the papers, brochures and receipts i've saved.. ended up storing loads of boxes, and still having quite a bit of stuff to take home..

the campus is pretty much empty now.. even the crows (or are they ravens?) have come to forage through the gigantic rubbish bins the uni has put around here...
the rain showers down, the wind still as strong as ever..

it's hard to part with this... all of it..

i had a lonely start, just like most phases i've passed..but this time i also started out with resentment.. resentment at myself for failing to get into the unis i'd planned to go to.. and giving up a spot at a uni i used to dream about going to.. i was disappointed at myself, and sometimes i still am..

but i was excited too.. i was glad i'd still get to study overseas.. glad i have a shot at getting things right again.. glad i came to this beautiful city that is Edinburgh.. but somewhere inside, that nagging feeling that i'd let myself down by coming to this uni ate at me sometimes..

things changed over time.. i found a few very valuable friends, who made me feel loved.. who i felt comfortable being myself fully again. i hadn't felt that in a long time..
it made me forget about the people who made my experience here crappy.. i was drifting away from those people anyways.. and i grew to love this place more and more, and especially the people.. i'm glad my first year of uni was filled with so much laughter, even though it mostly came towards the end..

and now as i type this, i look around in my rather empty room.. the drawers emptied days ago..shelf and closet almost the way it was when i came..and the softboard, empty..
i've been looking out the window from time to time this whole day.. taking in the view that i had over the past 9 months.. that tree with its branches and leaves rustling loudly when the wind blows..i'm even going to miss the birds chirping at the weirdest hours of the day..

i look around my room..thinking to myself, this was "home" for 9 months.. and this hall, living here meant learning tricks like working the shower.. and i won't forget the few times i sneaked down to use the boys' shower coz our shower wasn't working.. i won't forget hearing the people partying in the lounge, never really did annoy me except that one time...

i'm glad i have tonight alone... to just sit down and take it all in... to just reflect and think about this past 9 months.. i know, we shouldn't dwell on the past but i do feel like i've learned some valuable lessons being away from home.. and i suppose meeting the people that really got on my nerves wasn't so bad after all..

never again will i be able to come "home" to 202 Pentland A.. i don't know how or why i've become so attached to this room.. it seems so perfect after i'd been to so many other rooms.. the perfect size, perfect layout for me.. and i hope i won't cry tomorrow when i leave..

as much as i'm looking forward to going home, my heart feels heavy leaving this place..
mainly because i don't know if i'll be studying here for 2nd year.. time really changes everything.. i can only hope and pray that what i'm doing is right for myself..

i don't know what lies ahead for me or what i'm going to do yet.. i don't know how much circumstances would change if i take a different path.. but all i know is, i'm happy that i came to this uni.. i'm grateful for the people i've met and it's been a good experience..

no regrets.

it's hard to say goodbye... but i guess if i do leave, i'm still just a bus ride away.. and that, is quite a comforting thought...

i have 16 hours left in this city, about 12+ hours left on campus.. i'll try make the best of it.. :')

see you soon Malaysia...

-llen-

"all my bags are packed, ..."

2011-05-20T00:27:00.002+08:00

the next line is supposed to be "i'm ready to go"

but for me it's: "i gotta repack my bags T.T ... "

don't wanna go over the limit and pay for it so i'll have to take a whole bunch of stuff out and think about what to bring back again.... *sigh* ... it's days like these that i wish i had magic powers -.- ..

but on the very very bright side, hopping on the plane in 3 days!!! ahhhhhh!!!!!!! :D :D :D ...it's funny how i wasn't homesick all this while but the closer i get to the day i get to go home, the more anxious i feel..hehe :3

-llen-

hmm..

2011-05-16T20:10:00.002+08:00

it's not the first time something like this has occured.. when something pisses me off i get really angry and after a while...i'm fine -.- ... in a way i'm glad i have low retention of anger but sometimes i wish i don't explode at such a high intensity either.. *sigh* .. but oh well.. can't think about that now, it'll just make me feel bad even though i'm not to blame..

time for some happiness :)

today it is monday, monday~ tomorrow it is tuesday, tuesday~ we, we, we so exciiiited...

unfortunately that friday song sometimes suits situations too well -.- ..
finished my management paper this morning (wheee!!!!) and i'm convinced my fingers may deform after the next 2 exams... a whole 2 hours of writing and drawing charts and digging information out of my brain...

and the only thing on everyone's minds is the thought of going home... i'm thinking about the things i wanna eat already :3 .. 6 days till i board that plane~~~~ ahhhhh!!!!

ok... time to study... or else i can't go home with pride :p

-llen-

who do you think you are..

2011-05-14T02:41:00.002+08:00

i've never had to deal with people like this before... and i don't care if people think i'm selfish, don't care if people think i'm evil.. don't care if people think i'm a bitch...

coz to be honest, i don't have the time or energy to deal with people like these... especially not now..
just because you don't care about your grades doesn't mean i don't..
why should i be involved in your immatureness, why should i be the one to look after you when you can't look after yourself.. why DO i bother...

i just wanna run away....

and i hope that next sunday comes soon and in the days before next sunday, i hope i will not be disturbed.. can't i just have a good last week of year 1?

*sigh* ... i do wish i had happier things to post and not use the blog as a means of calming down so often..but there you go... things get to me quite easily sometimes...

i hope my forecast for happy days ahead comes true, i really do...

-llen-

remember when...

2011-05-10T09:07:00.002+08:00

7 years ago i was crazy over Lin Jun Jie... and i have Ping and Elaine to testify to that! despite a very failed attempt, i must say my once spiky haircut was because of him *blush* .. that haircut got me called "heng dai" by a friend who somehow doesn't talk to me anymore..hmm..

anyways.. few years down the road i lost interest in his songs..didn't quite like the new songs he was coming out with..so i slowly moved on to other stuff...

but today while studying my bro let me watch this:

and suddenly i'm reminded of Form 1.. i sat next to a guy called jun jie who also liked JJ -.- ..i'm pretty sure he was the one who printed out the lyrics which i have in my drawer.. and i used to want to learn the lyrics so badly... i remember Ping and Elaine forcing me to sing in class XD .. i remember playing the CDs over and over in my room..

those were the days, huh?

feeling kinda old now .... aih..

-llen-

caught in a web..

2011-04-28T08:07:00.005+08:00

it's been a long time since i've ever had this kinda experience.. the fakeness, the stupidity, the immatureness, the unfounded hate...

maybe things would've been better if i stayed out of it...

urgh.. this sucks...

more than ever, i'm missing kahyee mama, qiqi, ah ma, chinli, yimin, xingleng, synjoe, wun yeun, elvina, ee leng... and bro...and paw and maw.... *sigh* less than a month to go.. :')

-llen-

squeeeeaaal

2011-04-23T06:52:00.002+08:00

One month to home :D

meanwhile, i'm plotting a betrayal... fingers crossed it goes well..

*sigh*

-llen-

never knew it meant so much...

2011-04-20T06:48:00.002+08:00

Finally back in Edinburgh... after about a week + with my bro...

The thing about this trip was.. i went to his place twice (long story) but the point is.. the first round i went, i didn't feel very attached to his place.. but the second round, i dunno.. maybe his place kinda grew on me..

His classes started already so today we went out to the city together in the morning and he went to class while i entertained myself for around 6 hours -.- ..

Yesterday night while i packed.. i already felt a bit..sad... not really sad but more like having a blank expression.. no feelings.. like a robot... even when i found something funny i couldn't laugh full-heartedly.. and that's probably when the heavy heartedness started.. and probably why i couldn't sleep much too...

Then morning came.. and on the bus, bro slept as usual... and when we arrived at the city and got down from the bus he had a sleepy smile look and said "guess this is goodbye" and when i suggested i walk him to college before going around the city alone he wouldn't let me... -.- .. but in the end when we had to part ways i had a big smile on my face and waved to him..

walking around the city was still ok... but there was this busker with his electric guitar..playing songs that tugged at my heartstrings...
long story short, by the time i was walking to the station i was close to tears... heart feeling really heavy... might've been because i didn't have enough sleep, might've been the coffee.. but i'm guessing mostly it's neither of the two reasons...

and on the train, my eyes did well up.. good thing nobody was in the same carriage as me... and even when i got back to Edinburgh and got on the bus my eyes welled up again.. *sigh* never thought i was so weak but there you go... i have separation anxiety... :/

the funny thing is after all these months of not seeing bro i missed him, but definitely not this much.. it's when you hang out again, talk like you would at home, laugh together at stuff that the outside world may not get, eat together, even when he and calls me fat or how he treated me like a servant (he wouldn't let me share his bed even though it's so big -.- .. and i did the cooking etc ).. only after experiencing all this for about a week that it gets so hard to let go :(

hopefully i adjust back soon... no time for feeling sad now... i think i'll be fine.....

-llen-

maybe i'm toooo sensitive...

2011-04-15T06:30:00.003+08:00

but at this moment.. i really feel like telling someone off...

i wish i wasn't so sensitive at times.. i don't get why sometimes the littlest things can hurt me so much.. it's probably no big deal..

but to me..it is.. to me when someone is ripping (<-read in the peter chao tone XD) on my family member..ESPECIALLY my bro..grrrrrrrrr!!!!!

oklah..so she wasn't really insulting him or anything but.. *sigh*..

yeah..i'm too sensitive...

-llen-

tired...

2011-03-26T04:33:00.003+08:00

sometimes i wish that i could run away from it all..

run from things that don't matter... run from people that don't matter..
i wish i could turn back time, to when things were much more peaceful..

maybe i'm just too excited about seeing my bro next week.. but, i'm starting to miss home..somewhat.. and that feeling came all of a sudden when i thought about roti canai... *sigh* ... somehow it still boils down to food with me :p

one last hurdle before a few weeks of relaxation...then a few weeks of cramming...a few days of exams, a few ~~days~~ hours of packing, a few days of waiting.. and then..

and then, i'm home :)

"whoooosh" is the word B)

-llen-

Colours of Malaysia 2011...

2011-03-20T09:01:00.002+08:00

Last week the Edinburgh Malaysian Student's Association organised the 5th (if i remember correctly.. if not the the 5th then the 7th ._. ) Colours of Malaysia event... games, food, performances, showcasing Malaysia's culture.... but of course, the main reason i went was for the food :3

anyways!

There was quite a variety of food available... chicken rice, nasi lemak, fried bihun, milo, onde-onde, agar-agar, red bean soup!! , curry, penang laksa, prawn cucur ..etc..
I only had a 5 pound coupon to spend so i had chicken rice, fried bihun i tapau-ed, one piece of prawn cucur which was not worth it at all hrmph... and red bean soup which was very worth it :)

I was a little bit disappointed with the event to be honest... it felt like the venue was too small.. it was very cramped.. and for me it was a little too informal.. a friend told me she felt it probably wasn't meant to be too formal but had more of a carnival feel.. but i still felt like.. even if it was supposed to be like a carnival... it didn't explain the emcees' extent of informal-ness.....
would you make a kinda "inside joke" statement on stage when there are so many people who are not within your circle/would not understand your statement attending the event? -.- ...
the good thing was, quite a few non-malaysians attended the event and they enjoyed themselves with the performances.. :)

But having said that... i enjoyed the food.. and i'm not trying to be mean and critical but.. i just wish it could've been done better so that it reflects well on our country, our people..

on a sidenote, the semester is ending soon!!!!!! feeling anxious, afraid and excited all at the same time :S

-llen-

Sawadee ka.... :3

2011-03-16T10:30:00.004+08:00

all the while i've wanted to learn as many foreign languages as possible.... even a few phrases was good enough to satisfy me..
so i tried to learn some japanese..some french..some italian..can't say i've been very successful but hey, it's work in progress anyways :p ..more recently i made sure i take learning mandarin more seriously coz after all.. i am a chinese...

what i NEVER thought i'd want to learn was ... Thai...
it used to be something we joked about at home.. coz the "sawadee ka" in hokkien sounds like something else XD ...
But then i went to visit Chinli and got introduced to her Thai friend.. who showed us a nice Thai movie.. before that movie the only other thai show i've watched was Coming Soon, an epic fail of a horror movie but it managed to be a good comedy...haha.. but i have since watched another thai movie, one that made me cry even... :/
And somehow i felt like i wanted to know more..i wanted to be able to understand what they spoke.. i wanted to watch a thai movie without the subtitles...

i actually want to learn the thai language.... ._. ...

perhaps it may seem like a small matter.. yes.. it is a small matter..but.. i'm just surprised at myself..that's all :/ ..

-llen-

walked past that ATM machine for 6 months...

2011-03-06T01:45:00.001+08:00

and i never knew... i wouldn't be charged for taking money out of it...... *smacks forehead* ....haihh

-llen-

whoosh...

2011-03-04T03:29:00.002+08:00

it's March already! :D

I can't help but find this really funny XD ......

-llen-

post-CNY CNY celebration...

2011-02-26T21:46:00.002+08:00

It was two days after CNY ended when the Malaysian-Bruneian-Singaporean (name still pending decision between BAMS or MABSSUE) society celebrated CNY ..

I found out about the celebration and got involved totally by coincidence..haha..
They had their meeting at the chaplaincy and i happened to be there to see if i could use the piano.. and since the piano was occupied my friend said i should go to the meeting..so i went..... the first ever meeting i go to, they divided tasks for people to do ... and from the list of food we get to volunteer to make...i decided to volunteer making cheesecake :3 ..

I was really excited... somehow.. i guess i just miss being able to bake whatever, whenever i want... from my excitement, i went to get a hand mixer, kitchen scale, baking tins..haha.. i know..it may seem wasteful of resources BUT i'm gonna need it next year anyways ..hehe... and did a trial run coz i was really afraid of screwing up...
I'll cut to the chase and say the trial run cake didn't turn out so well.. but the good thing was the 2 cakes we made for the event turned out good...

The event was mainly just eating and socialising... there were lots of food, all prepared by students.. fried rice, bihun, sweet and sour fish, lemon chicken, stir fried vegetables, soup, steamed egg, "tang yuan" , green bean soup, jelly, chrysanthemum tea and drinks... it was a feast! :D

After everyone left.. i went to the uni pub with a few friends... i've been here for almost 6 months now and i've never been there for a drink..haha... which is a good thing i suppose...? :3
one of the guys apparently LOVES tequila and he probably was trying to educate us young impressionable "kids" (compared to him we're probably kids anyways since he is a phd student -.- ) so he got a tequila for my friend to try :X ..she took it well though :)..he even had an electric cigarette and asked my friends to try.. :/

and that pretty much sums up the day.. :) ..i'm too lazy to upload any pictures now so i might do it later..hehe...

-llen-

sigh

2011-02-23T03:16:00.002+08:00

part of meeting new people is learning that not everyone will get you...

but when you meet somebody who does get you, and doesn't run away --> :D

i'm grateful for the people who take me as i am and stick by me.. thank you, friends!! :)

-llen-

Un-Malaysian...

2011-02-20T08:54:00.003+08:00

today i learnt... i look nothing like a Malaysian ._.

We had a post-CNY CNY celebration organised by the malaysian-bruneian-singaporean society..
i was having a chat with some of the Malay girls with a few Chinese girls (from China, not malaysian chinese) around me..and when the malay girl asked me where i was from and i said i was Malaysian she got shocked -.- .. she thought i was from China!!

after that we went for drinks at the uni pub(my first time there).. and there was an Indian guy... and he told me he thought i was Nepalese or Northern Indian at first!!!

geeez.. i guess i look like everything BUT Malaysian -.- ...

more about the celebration next time! :)

-llen-

half a world away.....

2011-02-17T06:07:00.002+08:00

this song may not be so appropriate for the situation but..it's the only i can think of XD

first, Xing Leng left to Aussie... and i thought it may not make a difference since i don't see her everyday anyway...but somehow, it does make a difference.. i miss you Alexis and i hope to talk to you soon :)

this sunday, it's going to be Yi Min's turn... my duet partner, my anime partner, the person who introduced cool japanese dramas to me..the friend who i can be nuts around... and i hate the fact i didn't even get to see her before i left M'sia ._. .. and what's worse is the fact that we probably may not see each other for 2 years or even more :( .. i'm gonna miss her a lot, i already do....

-llen-

2011-02-14T08:18:00.002+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day :)

-llen-

things that piss me off.....

2011-02-09T05:21:00.002+08:00

maybe i'm too sensitive..maybe i'm too impatient ... but i'm human.. and sometimes i can't help getting mad at some things/people.. (it's going to be very vague and non-specific coz it's too dangerous to be too specific -.- .. if i get too specific i'm gonna have to privatise the blog...)

pretentious people get on my nerves especially... i get behaving a little differently around certain people..sometimes you need to speak a certain way with different people, that's fine.. sometimes you need to control your behaviour around certain people and that's fine too.. i do that sometimes when it's necessary too...
but when someone's too volatile, it's so hard working out who they really are.. it's just difficult being around such people... especially when they are pretentious to you very frequently..

and then there are people who say this and do that.. say something about someone else but are that way themselves... i really don't get it... do they not see it? if they don't see it then it's fine but if they do then i really don't know what to say...

then there's also people who jump to conclusions about you.. people who assume you are this way when actually you didn't mean to come off that way.. (and if you really thought of me as a friend you probably wouldn't have said that in front of some other people and as though i've done something so wrong and try to humiliate me in your own way coz see how it ended?)

people who expect you to be there for them all the time and people who think they come first on the list, on ANYBODY'S bloody list..geeez... i'm all for being a good friend and helping out people and stuff and especially when it's important/urgent but saying as though it's so urgent when it isn't at all just because you can't wait for a few more minutes?

pfft, screw you.... am i not human to you? do i not have my needs? do i not have priorities in my life? am i just someone who's there for you to conveniently push around when you fancy it?
it's not like you really care about me anyways.. ok..maybe you do care but if i really felt like you cared i probably wouldn't be doubting it would i??

i can tolerate many things.. once or twice, maybe even more than that.. i don't mind helping people out, i really don't..

but at some point i think it's gonna come loose..when i finally can't stand it anymore i will just erupt.. and i can feel it unravelling already...in fact, i can feel the volcano has boiled over a few times now...but not fully erupted yet...

and yet..i know it's silly, i know it's stupid.. but i do hope that people won't dislike/hate me for no good reason.. maybe i've hurt people's feelings before too.. and i'm really sorry if i have (though people who i've hurt probably won't be reading this anyways...)

maybe it's silly of me to hope that people won't hate/dislike me.. because it's impossible for everyone to like you even if you've been nice to everyone... yiishhh...

but at the end of it all..i know i'll probably continue being pushed around by you.. i'll continue holding it all in.. coz you can never tell someone things like this, it'll only end badly..
i don't hate/dislike you all the time.. and whenever i feel i do, i somehow convince myself to not feel that way about you because it's not true all the time.. sometimes you can be really nice and then i feel guilty for ever disliking you but when you get on my nerves again the cycle repeats itself and it's just so damned frustrating...grrrr....

the fact that you are so loved by so many people, well.. maybe it's me that has a problem.. coz there can't be so many blind people out there... or could there?

*sigh*

feeling much better now... maybe i have erupted... and thankfully it's here instead of in your face..

next post will be a happy one, i promise...

-llen-

i feel it in my fingers, i feel it in my toes~~

2011-02-02T11:19:00.003+08:00

i didn't really realise that...it's February already!!!!!!!! ahhh!!!!

this is exactly what i meant when i skyped with mum and dad..

Me: Aiya... time will pass so fast ..whoooosh!!! and it'll be May and i'll be home~~ :D :D
Dad: oi.. you better don't whoosh here whoosh there.. study come first ok!
Me: i know -.- ....

And since it's February...it just means i'm that much closer to going home...whee!!! i still don't think i'm homesick..it's just something to look forward to :3

but i guess the CNY feel is starting to creep up on me...

A bunch of Malaysians organised a reunion dinner and i was invited to join them.. all of them were actuarial science students though..hehe..

We had yee sang and quite a few dishes to feast on..there was even soup!! sure, it didn't taste like mum's cooking.. (mum's cooking is hard to beat anyway ;D ) but the food was really good.. and there was even ba gua which one of the girls made...

with today being CNY eve.. some memory of what we always do popped into my head... mum would probably be cooking either late into the night or she'd get up early in the morning to finish up the cooking.. sometimes i could help mum out.. sometimes i'd just be a disturbance if i went into the ktichen..haha..

through the years, our family CNY eve reunion dinner group got slightly smaller.. cous got married and it was only natural that she had reunion dinner with her husband's family.. i think there'd only be 8 or 9 of us?? i guess this year it'll be an even smaller group with me and bro away...

but of course, CNY being 15 days long, we'd have the opportunity to have the big family dinner.. that's possibly one of the best things about CNY i guess.. coz even though we don't usually need reasons to have the big family dinners (we actually do it quite often), CNY is one of the times when everyone in the family will be free :)

i think what i really miss right now is being in the kitchen with mum, nuisance or not..
and also those TV programmes they show during CNY... and prawn crackers...and snacks in the jars that aunt will always have on the table for guests..CNY cookies.. packet drinks..100 plus.. family...friends... the heat at grandma's house (it's always hot when we visit during CNY :/ ) the shopping centres with CNY decor and music... and of course, dad blasting the CNY tunes from the same CDs he's been using since we were little kids.. ah...good times...

Happy CNY everybody :)

-llen-

Haggis...

2011-02-02T03:28:00.004+08:00

A traditional Scottish dish..which i wasn't 100% sure of what it contained when i ate it..3 times now in total..haha..

Haggis consists of sheep's lung, heart and liver.. there's oatmeal and other stuff in it too but people usually don't care about the other stuff...haha..anyways.. i knew it was to do with sheep's insides..but i didn't expect it to be heart, liver and lungs............

First time i had it was at the pastor's house and his wife didn't really tell us what it was and i only had a small spoonful of it and it didn't taste disgusting... Second time i had haggis, it was in a pizza.. so small amounts too and it was actually quite nice...

the third time was during Burn's supper, an event celebrating Robert Burns (the guy who wrote Auld Lang Syne) birthday.. i was served a mountain of haggis with mashed turnips and mashed potatoes which is probably the traditional way of having it...

Haggis wi' bashit neeps an' champit tatties -that's what it says on the menu...

It was such a big pile that i couldn't finish it... all the chewing made my jaw tired -.- .. but it was also that day that i found out what haggis really is... *sigh* .. but surprisingly, i wasn't disgusted by what it was.. the first thing i thought about was "wahhhhh! so much cholesterol!!!!" ..haha.. maybe i could be the next Andrew Zimmern ;D .. though i'm pretty sure i won't be trying any animal's testicles anytime soon :/

-llen-

am i...heartless?

2011-01-28T10:36:00.003+08:00

With CNY coming up in less than a week many people away from home have started to feel like they'll be missing out on a lot..

It'll be my first ever CNY away from family, from Klang, from Malaysia... and yet i feel awful to say this but i haven't really felt anything yet.... i just miss the very important 3 F's.. family, friends and FOOD..

maybe it's because it's different... i don't get the CNY atmosphere like i do back home.. sure, the supermarkets here create a special aisle for CNY products, uni substituted the usual oranges with mandarin oranges.. but it sure isn't the same as CNY music blasting weeks before the actual day and also CNY products and hampers here and there in the supermarkets.. not to forget shopping for new clothes, spring cleaning, visitting grandma and visitting friends... (even after typing all that stuff i still can't feel anything D: )

My brother listens to One Fm online.. so when they kept repeating "tuan yuan fan" (reunion dinner) i think he felt a little something... so is it wrong that i don't feel anything?!?!? am i a heartless person who has lost her roots??!? -.- .. am i immune to festivities now?!?!?!

a part of me is saying i should get used to missing out on these events coz that's just the way it's going to be for a while.. and it seems to be working fine, that part of me.. but another part is thinking maybe there's something wrong with me..... and how can people be missing home and CNY and i feel absolutely nothing.....

i'm a monster D: D: D: ...

-llen-

a wave of tiredness..

2011-01-26T08:07:00.002+08:00

shouldn't music make a person feel uplifted?

seemed to have the opposite effect on me today...

probably just one of those days... things don't seem quite right..

what if i did things differently..

i wish i could put it behind me..believe me, i don't want to dwell on things i can't change.. but it's just something that keeps haunting me..

suppose this could be another evidence of my "slow-ness" ... my delayed response to so many things... possibly...

i'm ok..

-llen-

ice cream? D:

2011-01-18T03:30:00.004+08:00

One of the best things we did during the break i felt was each getting a tub of ice cream and chomping it down while watching a movie.. it was on half price sale, it was yummy... but at the same time it was sinful...*chuckles* ..

I kept telling myself i'd only do this now during the holidays and when term starts i'll make sure i eat healthy..plus, i haven't had ice cream in such a long time! back in M'sia the RM1 cone from McD wasn't a very frequent treat but it wasn't exactly rare too...

So now that term has started.... i sometimes think about that tub of ice cream... it'd be great to have a tub all to myself again... i'll be smiling with each spoonful of fattening creamy goodness :) ..

so when i had the idea while chatting with bro...

Me : i really feel like going to get a tub of ice cream now....should i? :D
Bro: FAT
Me : but.. it'll be the last time..
Bro : FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT
(after a long string of FATs later..)
Me : really so cham mehh D: ..
Bro : you stay there any longer you become fatx10
Me : ): .. oklohh...i'll just have some biscuits ._.

and with that... i stopped thinking about ice cream -.- ...probably should thank my bro for psycho-ing some sense into me ...hrmphh....

-llen-

Spaghetti Aglio Olio

2011-01-14T04:10:00.005+08:00

this post is specially dedicated to Xing Leng ;)

..i believe once upon a time i tried to make this blog more food-inclined.... and yea.. i was always too lazy to upload pictures and i don't cook/bake often enough to make it a total food blog anyways.. so maybe once in a while i'll share some recipes? heh.. here's hoping i stick to this :p

OK! so.. Spaghetti Aglio Olio.. why? coz Xing Leng asked me how to make it :) ..

This style i believe is not the real, authentic aglio olio... we first had this at a spanishy fusiony restaurant..i think the authentic one has more sauce and stuff like olives in it..

This is possibly one of the simplest pasta dishes out there and i think once i have a kitchen in Year 2 i'll be cooking this very often because it goes well with a lot of things.. to me it's like the western carbo component in a meal so..yea.. i don't mind substituting this with rice..enough of my rambling, here's the recipe!

You'll need : Garlic, salt, olive oil (not extra virgin though) and preferably coarse black pepper. of course you'll need the pasta too XD .. i like spaghetti and linguine with it and i don't think short pastas will work as well..

before no.1 or simultaneously if you can handle it, boil your water and add salt and put your pasta in, cooking according to the instructions on the packet...

1. Chop up your garlic! i tried slicing the garlic thinly before and it works too but i think it depends on how much you love/hate garlic..if you're slicing it thinly you get to have crunchy flakes of garlic or it'll be easier to take out the garlic too if you don't really like garlic :/
i used about a whole garlic when cooking for 2 :p .. but, adjust it to your own taste...

2. Heat your olive oil in a pan.. or a wok! (Note that you shouldn't get the oil too hot coz olive oil breaks down at a lower temperature than say canola or sunflower oil..) and i don't think the olive oil is substituable with any other oil...hmm... oh, you'll have to put in more than when you're cooking vege and stuff or else the pasta will be really dry and not tasty..just bear in mind that olive oil is a healthy oil! some people drink olive oil! so don't worry too much about it :)

3. Once reasonably hot, put in your garlic.. stir it around a bit to make sure it doesn't become dark brown/black.. add your salt while stirring the garlic around and keep a watchful eye on the garlic..

4. Once garlic is just about turning golden brown switch off the heat coz the garlic will still continue getting cooked with the heat of the pan/wok..

5. By then, your pasta should be about ready... i usually don't drain the pasta but just use a fork to transfer the pasta to the oil+garlic but..i think the proper way to do things is to drain the pasta..haha.. but i've never had a problem with my way anyways *shrug* .. see how hardworking you wanna be..... so yes, transfer your pasta over to your pan/wok and switch on the heat again..

6. You'll have to work a bit faster now coz once when i cooked the pasta in the wok a bit too long it became a bit hard..
Toss the pasta around in the sauce and add your black pepper.. well you could've added the black pepper in with the garlic earlier but..it's up to you i think..

7. Get your pasta on your plate and you're all set! Dig in!

oh..and i've never tried it before but i think adding a little chili to the oil+garlic before the spaghetti might give it a nice kick :) .. i think mum tried adding some herbs before but i don't think she got the right herbs so it didn't turn out so well :p ..but if you know the right herbs to go with this, let me know!!!! :D

Edit: adding prawns to cook with the garlic will also be really nice :) .. (thanks cous for reminding ;D )

-llen-

Sem 2....

2011-01-13T02:21:00.002+08:00

it's the middle of the first week of the second semester!

still quite relaxed coz tutorials haven't started...

what's different this semester?

1. i signed up for gym membership so i could go for yoga :) ...and tai chi (coz it fits my schedule and...tai chi has health benefits too right?? it's not just for the elderly..i think ._.) ..and hopefully run on the treadmill though i doubt i will.. might run outside though once the paths are less slippery.......hmmm...

2. instead of accounting we are learning finance.. which SOUNDED really interesting in the module outline but when the lecturer started to speak, :( .. looks like more self-studying is in order...

3. for our management module there will be a group presentation......hopefully i'll be able to overcome my stage fright *sigh* .. the assignment sounds interesting though.. some business plan thingy...

4. most importantly, after this semester i'll be going home!!!!! ahhhHH!!!!!!! can you feel my excitement?!?!? :D :D :D :D ..food! family and "family" ! friends! scaring mum/dad with my driving skills! my own shower/toilet!
i somehow have the habit of getting to excited nowadays.... it's only January but i keep telling myself it'll be May really soon.. :p .. don't get me wrong though, i still haven't felt homesick yet...

Still haven't quite adjusted back to term time sleeping/waking hours..haha... i got up 45 minutes before my class today and luckily the shower wasn't occupied..hehe..

-llen-

2011-01-08T10:20:00.002+08:00

thinking about the past is sometimes a bad idea..

suddenly the thoughts about how you disappointed yourself, the people around you just come back.. and it sucks.

it's something i'll always have to live with because no matter what i do, i can never change that fact.

if i had a chance to do it all over again, would i do it differently?

you bet i will... anything to erase this feeling of regret..

something so small could have made such a big difference...

whether or not i would be happier on the whole, i don't know..

but right now, at this moment.. yea, i think i would've been much happier than how i'm feeling now..

-llen-

19...

2011-01-07T13:35:00.003+08:00

no longer 18... hmmm...

it was my first birthday away from home but thankfully not a lonely one.. but it was one with surprises i must admit :)

on the night of the 2nd we ordered pizza from domino's and had a good dinner... there wasn't much to do though.. just watched TV together then watched movies on the laptop..a slow peaceful night, just the 3 of us.. (May Ling, Chinli, me) .. and knowing Chinli, she checked the time so that when it was midnight she could wish me XD .. i've been saying at appropriate times throughout the trip that i know her so well and it's been 5 years (in 2010, on new year's day i told her it's been 6 years!!! XD ) and she denied it and said i don't know her at all every single time XD..

And maybe she was right..coz no matter how much i knew her, i sure didn't know she'd be doing so much for me for my 19th birthday!

she went to the kitchen and came in after a few minutes later with a raspberry cheesecake and an unlighted candle coz..there was no source of fire..haha... she even tried to light it buy putting oil on the hotplate and trying to ignite it..

i had no idea she bought a cake but when i thought about it i KNEW there was something fishy going on!!

she slept in my room on new year's day and got up around 12pm on the 2nd.. i assumed she went back to her room and i got up a few minutes after she left.. i thought i'd let her sleep somemore coz she didn't call me.. but around 3pm i thought maybe i should call her..

so i called the room extension and nobody picked up...hmm..maybe she's in the kitchen.. so i called her handphone, she picked up and i asked "not awake yet?" and i was sure her voice didn't sound like she had just woken up and i was sure i could hear some background noise but she told me she wasn't really awake yet and wanted to take a shower first...
but i didn't think too much about it, just felt it was a little weird...

so as usual "after her shower" she called me and i went over .. lazed around watching tv, using the laptop... then i was looking about the drawers and when i opened the one on top of the wardrobe i saw a box and said "ooooh..what's this??" then she quickly said "No!!!! that's my christmas present" then i quickly shut the drawer...but in my mind i was thinking..."when did she get that?? i sure didn't see her getting it :/ .. " but again, i let it slide...

so back to the cake!

while we ate i asked her where she got it and kept thanking her for it.. and i was quite shocked that she'd take the bus out on her own like that...
after the cake and a movie May Ling and i walked back to our halls....

by then my sleeping pattern was actually pretty messed up..haha... i woke up at around 12pm but just rolled around in bed, too lazy to get up... then chinli called me around 1pm and told me to on skype coz she was trying to see if she could go online with wifi on her phone...

when i turned on skype, nobody was online -.- .. then suddenly mum was online and she called me...

i just thought, in passing, something like this might happen but didn't really expect it to happen..hahha..ok, here's what happened..

my "just-woke-up" messy state was witnessed by the whole family -.- .. (including cousins, aunts, uncle, nieces..) turns out aunt made another ice cream cake and there were red eggs.. they lighted up the candles, sang me the birthday song, asked me to make a wish and asked me to blow out the candles..hahahah.... and yes, i blew...i blew at my laptop screen while on the other side Rachel blew out the candles for me XD .. and then i watched them eat -.- ...

then when i told mum about chinli asking me to on skype but she still wasn't on skype yet..

mum: oh..maybe she wanted to.......
dad : wanted to what? what?
mum: oh..mm..nothing lah... you go and cook with her lah, have to eat something..

and i still didn't think something was up!!! hahaha...

but when i went over to chinli's...

chinli: did you skype with your mum?
me : yea.. eh, how you know??
chinli: she told me to tell you to on skype today from last year...
me: huh? ...wahhhh...and i thought it was a coincidence you asked me to on and after that she was on...

and now i know what mum is capable of!!! hahaha...

the next day was chinli's departure from Edinburgh.... with my whacked out sleeping pattern..i think i was too tired to feel anything but tiredness.. it didn't exactly hit me that she was really leaving until she'd got on the train and i went to get groceries, alone...

thing about being lonely is that..it's fine once you get used to it.. you can go days without much interaction and it wouldn't feel so weird.. but when you've got a buddy with you all the time for about 2 weeks and suddenly you're back to being alone again it feels really weird.... suddenly, there's nobody beside you on the bus.. nobody to talk with..nobody to watch TV with..nobody to laugh with.. *sigh*

then chinli texted me when she was back in durham and then her 2nd text was that she'd left something under the bed and she asked me to go check for her..

in my mind i was thinking...oh noooooo... i'll have to courier it to her.. have to look for dhl office...

but when i pulled out the box from under the bed...it was a present for me... :')

i did mention the thought of getting a pair of fluffy slippers to keep my feet warm in the room but i was never able to find one that i liked enough to get so i decided not to get any and stick to my slippers...

and my present was a very very fluffy pair of slippers... and very comfy too! the pattern (leopard print) wasn't something i'd get for myself coz..i'm just not used to overly patterny stuff..hehe.. in other words, i'm not quite brave enough and i usually stick to plain stuff..call my fashion sense boring if you like (coz even i think it's kinda true...)
but it's different when someone gets it for me and i somehow don't think it's so bad after all..

and when i put on the slippers it just felt so soft and fluffy that i liked it a lot, leopard print and all..

and it turns out my birthday present was chinli's so-called "christmas present" that she hid in the drawer above the wardrobe :)

so, my first birthday away from home was actually pretty good after all :) ..
i dunno what i did to deserve a friend like Chinli and a family like mine and all the friends who wished me through facebook and sms but i'm truly grateful <3 ..

-llen-

so...

2011-01-03T11:11:00.002+08:00

it's 2011 already...

with holiday mode switched on and days and nights all getting jumbled up it's pretty hard to accept the fact that it's the 3rd day of 2011 already...

New year's resolutions!!

1. as always, lose weight..... haven't reached ideal yet so there is still weight to shed!
2. study harder... aim higher
3. be a better human being.. this means..just generally being a better person i guess?
4. be a better friend.. i think i'm a lousy friend most of the time.... :/
5. have a healthier lifestyle... ._.

i think that's about all i can think of now......

previous years i seem to have given quite some thought into resolutions but i think that yearly tradition has slipped a little...

-llen-

what happens when your alarm and ringtone are the same...

2010-12-31T20:49:00.002+08:00

my alarm used to have sound but i put it on silent when we were staying at the hostel so i wouldn't wake the other people... and i just haven't got round to putting the sound back on...

then the other day i ordered a jersey for Joe Ann.....

and a few days later i wake up from sleep and see missed calls from an unknown number.. i ignored..

next day, same thing O: .. thinks to self: "could it be the jersey?!?! so fast??"

today.... i heard vibrating so as usual i wanted to snooze my phone.. and i thought i had snoozed it..
but i heard "Hello? Hello?" by my pillow.... :/

and when i finally woke up and opened my door there was that delivery failed note wedged under my door... i hope i didn't piss the guy off :S .. here's hoping they're willing to deliver again ><

and i'll make sure i set the sound back on the alarm ._. ......

-llen-

shocked...

2010-12-30T13:38:00.003+08:00

Christmas went by just like that..i guess it partly didn't feel like christmas was even here because the usual indications weren't there.. every year dad would put on that CD of christmas songs.. this year i didn't hear it.. USUALLY (coz sometimes we're too lazy :p ) we will decorate the christmas tree... of course, no chance for that this year.. we ALWAYS have a feast for Christmas and this year we definitely had no feast..

but still, it was ok.. i had Chin Li with me.. and it's just part of being away from home i suppose..

Today is the 3oth of December.. and i'm somewhat in a state of disbelief..

First came the "HUH?!?!? New year's eve is tomorrow?????"

Then the moment of reflection...

highlights: it was just this year that i completed A levels.. went for a trip with 3 great pals...ended up in the most unexpected uni..had to make an important decision...(all that somehow felt like it happened ages ago..)..went on a trip with Chin Li..spent my very first away-from-home Christmas..

ahh...amazing how time flies...

and then i thought about all the people that made 2010 a great year.. family, friends..listing it out will be too tedious so.. i bet you know who you are ;) ..

overall...even with all the ups, the downs.. i think 2010 has been pretty good coz all i can remember now are the good times.. and i can't help but smile... :) .. this may be due to my optimistic nature though..hehe..

Here's to a great 2011! New resolutions, and hopefully better self discipline to achieve them!

and cherish the last 2 days of 2010 while it's here :)

-llen-

the real Christmas post!

2010-12-28T22:01:00.002+08:00

So..let's start from Christmas Eve shall we? :)

My memory's a little foggy coz the days seemed to be a bit jumbled up in my mind right now.. but if i remember correctly i woke up really late.. hmm...

The uni was nice enough to give us a room in one of the self-catering halls so we have a kitchen to cook in and it has a TV in it!! it's actually one of those rooms that guests stay in so i let Chin Li have that room..So on Christmas Eve i got up, got ready and walked over to where Chin Li was staying..
Mum told me to try to be available to skype so i could wish my aunt a happy birthday...

so the kitchen.. we were given very little tools and very lousy tools too.. the frying pan was badly scratched, little pot was..burnt inside? and there was a..i think it's a slow cooker but we later thought it belonged to the chinese who used that kitchen too...
the chinese were quite friendly.. they let us use their very good knife..

anyways.. dinner that night was to be spaghetti aglio olio which i've been craving for coz we NEVER get spaghetti at the cafeteria.. and we were gonna pan fry salmon fillets..the thought of it made me so happy..

then we used the slow cooker to boil water to cook our spaghetti... (we really didn't think it was a slow cooker then and we couldn't use the pot coz it was so black inside.....) the water took SO LONG to boil... must've been an hour plus... i decided to try and scrub the pot and it was actually possible -.- ...

halfway scrubbing mum texted me so i left the scrubbing to Chin Li and went to skype :) ..

everyone was there.. they sounded like they were having a great time.. had a nice time chatting with them too <3 .. aunt told me she got an ice cream machine and she was gonna make me ice cream when i went back :D .. dad told me not to shop online so much (which i actually don't honestly!! yiishhh....) then he said something like "Eh, boxing day you go and buy some stuff for yourself lah.. those heavily discounted stuff go and buy!!" and from the back i could hear "buy what you need......" then only dad "ya ya ... just buy what you need...." XD ..

after our conversation i went back to the kitchen and the water still hadn't boiled!! in the end we chucked the spaghetti in even though the water hadn't exactly come to a full boil.. which resulted in an awfully textured spaghetti -.- ..

it really was quite depressing.. craving for that taste, that texture for so long, thinking you COULD finally taste it but no..not today.. :( .. all this on Christmas Eve!! :( salmon tasted good though thankfully..

we then went to the Chaplaincy for the 7.30pm Christmas eve service... and that made me feel better :) ..

Next, Christmas Day lunch..

The chaplaincy organised a 1pm lunch so we decided to go... It was nice.. food was good..Chin Li and i sat at a table with 4 Nigerian guys.. they were friendly and all.. chit chatted while eating.. it wasn't like Christmas back home at all but it was really nice and it did feel like Christmas :)

though one of the people we ate with took a photo of me with his phone.. sure, he asked me to look at the camera BUT what normal person would take a picture of someone they just met a few minutes ago?!?! not a photo together but a photo of... anyways.. i thought maybe it was their culture or something... but creepy nonetheless..

after the meal when we decided to go back Chin Li thought we should say bye to the people we ate with.. it was courtesy and i agreed that we probably should say bye.. and to our surprise, 2 of those guys decided to find out where my hall was and wanted to accompany us.......

so they followed to my hall.. one of them didn't want to come in but the other one (the one that took photo with his phone in fact) came in even after Chin Li subtly said bye at the door...when he asked for my extension i conveniently forgot and i think only then did he get the message and decided to go.. though he didn't really buy it that i forgot my extension i think... but who cares! they just ruined my Christmas for me.. they didn't exactly ruin the whole thing lah.. but it sucked to have to meet creepy people on Christmas day... i'm not a racist and i don't agree when people generalise and say Nigerians are dangerous and stuff but really, these people didn't do their people any favours by behaving that way..

and you may think i'm paranoid and stuff but i wouldn't have been so worried if the hall hadn't been deserted.. anything could've happened and nobody would've been there to hear or see or help.. but thankfully nothing happened...

overall this year.. Christmas didn't exactly feel like Christmas.. even when Christmas was approaching i couldn't really feel it.. and i kinda forgot to wish people Merry Christmas :/ ...

anyways, i hope everyone else had a great Christmas :) .. 2011 is coming soon and i haven't even posted about the Durham-York-London trip :P ...

-llen-

Happy boxing day!

2010-12-26T10:41:00.002+08:00

Guess i'm a little too late in wishing people Merry Christmas :/ .. it's the holidays and yet i haven't really used my laptop at all..

So..i've been back from London for a few days now.. the trip was pretty enjoyable.. i surprised myself for actually still remembering where some of the shops were.. We didn't have a proper map with us but with the help of the maps along the streets and a bus map we managed to get around pretty well :)

we had awesome duck rice..had malaysian food.. I managed to get to Selfridges for my cheesecake~~~~ took Chin Li to Greenwich and showed her Canary Wharf..hopped around the tube a lot..SNOGGED....

all was well until the very last day.....

We stayed at the Malaysian Hall for 2 nights.. and on the third night shifted over to a hostel..near to that hostel was Camden market (apparently about a 30min walk) which we initially planned to visit.. due to timing issues we more or less said we wouldn't go after all..

We went into a tube station and Chin Li managed to pass through the ticket machine thing.. but my ticket somehow got rejected by every machine and i couldn't go through.. after a few minutes i finally got through manually and by then Chin Li was no where to be seen!!!! and on top of that my phone had no network coverage all of a sudden!!

so i thought i'd go back to the tube station near our hostel and she'd probably be there.. but when i got there..she wasn't! D: .. horror!!

quickly went to a public phone and called her and she was at Camden Town station and that left me in a bit of a shock.. (my phone still had no reception) ... last thing she said to me before the credit ran out on the public phone was that she'd wait for me there.. so i went ...

To get to Camden Town station i actually had to change trains quite a few times.. and by the time i got there we had to make our way back to the hostel to get our bags... and we were running short of time..

One of the biggest mistakes i made was not having a pulling luggage.. i had a stupid heavy bag which i had to carry all around with me up and down the stairs coz my pulling luggage was too huge and i thought it was ridiculous to bring that..grrrr... (and note also that when i got to Durham, we actually walked about 30minutes from the station to Chin Li's hall..with my stupid bag!! and when we left Durham for London that same bag was carried to the train station passing stairs and slopes along the way grrrr... )

SO.. we rushed and rushed.. my arms kept feeling like they were going to just break at some point.. AND THEN... we had to wait for a train to get to the main train station... and based on my calculations, we were sure to miss our train back to Edinburgh...

When the train finally came and we got on i just sat there thinking about what we'd do....and even when we got to the station, part of me already gave up.. because it was already a few minutes past 4pm.. the trains here are really punctual most of the time..

when i got to the machine to get our tickets..i looked at the board... there was a train for Aberdeen..calling at Doncaster, Darlington....Newcastle...EDINBURGH!! and it was delayed!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!

please understand that i had really really given up hope on getting on our intended train hence the inner scream and burst of hope...

we got the tickets and went to the platform and hopped on from the first class coach and slowly made our way to our seats.....

i was still in disbelief when i was in the train... still shocked.. very tired... happy nonetheless...

And it's all thanks to the snow for delaying the train... snow is a really good friend of mine now .. and no matter how many people hate it, no matter how many people say Snow is bad, Snow creates a lot of inconvenience, i'm gonna stand by Snow <3 ..i love you Snow!!!

i should put a proper Christmas post here next time XD ...

-llen-

Hello from Durham :)

2010-12-17T18:52:00.002+08:00

Just woke up and my arms are a little sore from carrying my luggage around :/

Taking the train was more complicated than i thought -.- ... ok maybe not very complicated but a little more complicated than taking a bus....

London on Sunday :)

will probably update when i'm back in Edinburgh....

-llen-

do you ever wonder...

2010-12-15T08:50:00.002+08:00

whenever you miss someone, do you ever wonder if they miss you too?

-llen-

hard work paid off :D

2010-12-15T03:21:00.002+08:00

title does not refer to exams though..haha...

My hard work refers to my catering card balance of 11+ pounds...whee~~~ i think i overspent on junk a bit too much but it's all good! leaving campus on Thursday anyways and Chin Li + Durham here i come!! can't wait :3 ..and then to London!

Anyways.. when i first arrived here dad and mum took me to Tesco A LOT.. it was very near and very convenient so got a lot of stuff from there..including a plastic kettle..
Mum and dad being the health conscious people they are, would usually say no to plastic containers so what more a plastic kettle right? But surprisingly while mum thought we should wait to find a stainless steel one dad just said "buy lah.." .. and buy the kettle we did..

Fast forward to a few days ago.. Mum and dad skyped with me and told me to get a new kettle -.- .. I was happy to get a new one (coz occasionally i wonder if i'm gonna die faster boiling water with a plastic kettle...) but what am i gonna do with my old one?!?! sell? who wanna buy? so the only solution was to give it away....

So today after i couldn't stand looking at the kettle in the corner i packed it back into its box and stuck a sticky note on it saying "Free Kettle! Purchased 3 months ago. In good condition" .. and when nobody saw me i placed it on the pantry table...

When i went out to get dinner i peeked into the pantry... The kettle was gone! :D .. kinda surprised though.. i thought people would be suspicious of a free kettle.. made me feel like Santa Claus somehow.. XD

ho ho ho...

-llen-

what's beyond tired?

2010-12-11T10:27:00.002+08:00

Been sleeping late these past few days.. probably shouldn't have but i did anyway..

Friday morning we had out maths exam and as usual when sleeping late becomes a habit, sleeping early gets tough.. which resulted in getting not quite enough sleep ...grr.. anyways.. the paper was ok.. just that the calculator i brought in and had been using for ... 6 years? wasn't in the approved calculators list -.- .. so the nice lady told me lent me one from a big box of calculators..

After 6 years of using the same calculator you kinda get used to where the buttons are and which button does what -.- .. but luckily i've seen a calculator like that before ! hehe.. Wun Yeun's one was like that :3 .. (only thing i like about that calculator was the fractions function ..real fractions on the display!!)

but thanks to some common sense on my part i managed to find the buttons i needed...though i did panic a little...

After the exam i felt so tired... so sleepy.. but i knew i had to get some grocery shopping out of the way..coz i knew i probably wouldn't be able to study today anyways..
so i went back to my room and suddenly, a call!

It was my stuff from Mountain Warehouse :D :D :D .. finally!! my sleeping bag, waterproof shoes and waterproof jacket .. arriving on the day the snow began to melt ... hrmphh.. but it's ok.. i expect more snow to come and when that happens, i'll be prepared to play with snow properly!!

After getting the stuff and having lunch, off to the city i went!

Managed to get to the place i wanted to go quite easily and i was pleased with that :3 .. (coz i've never been there before and i went alone...hehe)

By the time i got the stuff i needed and went back to campus, the main cafeteria was closed so the only food i could get which would allow me to swipe my catering card was pizza :3 .. and it just so happened that they had my favourite flavour today :'D .. (could this day get any better?? :D )

Came back to my messy, new stuff-filled room and ate..

Oh! i forgot to mention.. i bought a pair of hair cutting scissors today..and a comb.. (yeaaa..i didn't bring a comb here coz i never thought i'd need one......) and i decided to trim my own fringe.. maybe more like cut since it was so long already.. it would've covered my nose in a few weeks..haha..

Thanks to youtube...ok..maybe not youtube but the people who put up guides on how to cut your own fringe, i learned some tricks to experiment on my fringe-cutting experiment... it's the first time i'm seriously cutting my own hair.. i remember as a kid i did try to cut my own hair only to get scolded by the babysitter... :/

so the end result of my self-cut fringe? (which took quite a long time i think :/ )

hmm... maybe it's because i cut it myself..or maybe it really isn't too bad ...but i think i did quite alright for a first attempt XD ... it does look a little weird..maybe..hmm...

but after every haircut, it's a habit for us to take a shower..and it'd been a long day so i decided to shower... and after shower had to fix the hair a bit..hehe... but after that i just felt reallly tired..but my room was still a mess with plastic bags, stuff on the bed.. wardrobe was a mess too.. so i ended up setting up my new kettle, tidying this and that..and now.... it's 3am and i think i've gone beyond tired... i've started to get hungry but i feel so restless now...haihh... wonder what time i'll get up tomorrow....

-llen-

living in a catered hall....

2010-12-08T22:48:00.002+08:00

at this uni we're given a fixed amount to spend on food... and this amount cannot be carried forward to the next semester or refunded back to us... ain't that just cruel?

SO.. with the semester coming to an end, students in catered halls who have previously not really been spending the money are scrambling to use up the money.. (me included -.- ) .. so what do we buy? crisps! chocolate bars! yogurt! ribena! bottled water!

it's like i'm an animal storing up food for winter... junk food...

my stash so far? 18 bags of crisps, a few kitkats, 4 bars of snickers, 4 packets of ribena.... and i still have to spend at least 12 pounds a day to finish it before i go for my holiday....grrrrrr....

(i do not intend to finish the junk by myself, ok... hahaha.. some of it is for chin li :D )

-llen-

does anyone still use friendster??

2010-12-06T09:08:00.002+08:00

I haven't changed my settings yet so i still receive emails about friends' birthdays through friendster and since it's been sooooo long since i last logged in i thought i'd go take a look...

I dunno when it started but friendster became very uncool... maybe it's because i've gotten used to facebook's layout but friendster's layout makes me feel very uncomfortable somehow..haha...

I remember leaving testimonials for people on friendster... and people leaving me testimonials too.. so i went to my testomonials and read the very first few....

Needless to say... memories came flooding back.. it feels like it's been so long ago.. it was only about 5 years ago?

and then there were testimonials from used-to-be very close friends... what happened? when did we stop talking? when did things become awkward between us?
i wish we could go back to the way we were and pick up where we left off.. i wish i still meant something to you but i know it will probably never be that way ever again..

but i guess it's just another one of those things about life.. accepting the fact that some people will walk into your life, leave very deep footprints there and walk out and leave you with memories and the occasional "hello, how are you"..

-llen-

Snow :3

2010-11-30T02:44:00.003+08:00

it's the crunch of ice under our shoes..the sloshy sound we make as we walk on half-melted ice... ahh~

fine..the sloshy part's not really fun...

On the day we had our first snow i was jumping up and down with excitement.. running out in 3/4 shorts, t-shirt, jacket and slippers and taking pictures of the snow... it started with a very light snow shower.. and when it stopped i felt a little disappointed....

Then after a few hours i looked out of my window again...it was snowing heavily.....ahhhhhh!!!!!

this time i had to change into trousers and wear my shoes coz i didn't wanna risk losing my toes..

and the wars began... people from this hall throwing snowballs at people from the other hall..

away from the warzone was peace and serenity... the roads covered in white, fluffy snow..untreaded.. it was beautiful :')

People keep saying "you're gonna love it at first and hate the snow later" ..i haven't begun to hate it yet but i think many people have...

Today it was snowing quite heavily so most of the catering outlets on campus closed early, leaving only the main cafeteria open.. the student shop closed early, classes were cancelled, bus services weren't in full operation and even the library and chaplaincy closed early.. cars were breaking down and airports were closed..

yes, snow can be a very very inconvenient phenomenon BUT when it snows you don't feel so cold :D .. that's the best part of snow for me :3 .. i can still wear just a shirt and jacket with jeans and the temperature will be just nice... maybe blubber has its plus points ;)

-llen-

let it snow, let it snow, LET IT SNOW....

2010-11-26T23:41:00.002+08:00

*sigh* ... weather forecasts have a way of making you feel too excited for your own good...

and i think it's safe to say that it is a very big misconception that scotland (or at least edinburgh) is a very cold place...hrmph!!

Snow was supposed to fall since wednesday evening... and we still have no snow!!!! grrr....

Then i started seeing a friend's picture of snow in Durham which is quite near to us..just about an hour's train ride away... why do they have snow and we don't D: ... surely the whole point of enduring cold cold weather is to experience snow! now we're just getting cold cold sunshine during the afternoon and cold darkness after sunset :( ..

and then a friend at Bristol said it was snowing... Bristol ain't even in the northern part of England and it's snowing!! :(

so i'm keeping my fingers crossed that the forecast is right this time and snow will finally come TONIGHT!! grrrrr

-llen-

money matters...

2010-11-25T01:42:00.002+08:00

for some time now i've been longing for a new phone... a phone with cooler features...more importantly, a phone with wifi... coz it sucks whenever i eat with my brother at a place with wifi and he'd whip out his phone and use the wifi and i sit there.. feeling kinda alone...

and i've been drooling over HTC phones for some time now.. i fell in love with the HTC Hero and i think i still really like it but logic tells me it's stupid to get the hero due to the fact that it's somewhat obselete compared to and the brand new HTCs which have better features... and now HTC is churning out soooo many models i can't make a decision (partly because it wasn't love at first sight like with the Hero) and so i keep postponing my purhcase..

then i recently saw an offer from HMV.. get an ipod (either classic,nano or touch) and you'll get a 25 pound itunes gift card and a 20 pounds HMV gift card! .. and so my alternative to getting a phone sprang into my head... keep my current phone, get a touch which has wifi and the new touch has video calling capabilities too!!

and since the offer was ending next week i emailed dad asking if i could get it.. 189 pounds.... he was ok with it coz i think i have mentioned this in the past..

So! today after class i ventured out into the city..... but before i did i punched in on the calculator... 189 x 5 .....

see the thing about pounds and the price of stuff here is that... you THINK it's very cheap... like basic food stuff can cost as little as a pound.. shower gel on offer 84p .. but once you convert!! hah!! so yes, i wasn't quite happy with the amount on my calculator...

i paced about the room...deciding whether to go or not.. and in the end i told myself "if you want, you buy today!! you know you won't buy once you hesitate!!!"

and when i got to hmv... i walked around pretending to browse but in my mind so many thoughts were running around... "buy or don't buy.. not cheap lehh..maybe save the money and buy a phone instead...a HTC phone yummm.... ipod touch apps, games yumm...think of people without a home, without food, what are you doing getting an ipod touch when people are struggling to survive???.."

so i walked out of there empty-handed... *sigh* ..

and when i told my parents what happened over skype...they laughed at me -.- ......

i wonder... am i considered as someone....stingy? ._.

-llen-

first time for everything .......

2010-11-22T08:42:00.003+08:00

21 November......

First time standing by the road waiting for a bus when another bus passes by and splashed water on me -.- .. good thing it was just a small splash..

i didn't feel mad/frustrated when it happened.... i actually felt like laughing ... ._. ...

-llen-

another thing i've learnt.....

2010-11-21T08:38:00.002+08:00

this time about myself ._. ..

I have learnt that it is my NATURE to be untidy... it's true!

I started out with a clean, tidy table... a few weeks later the table is covered with piles of books/papers/receipts...

I clean it all up again when it becomes too messy coz i can't do any work if i leave it... and i'll have a tidy table again... :D .. ahh...

Some people manage to keep their tables/shelves tidy on a day to day basis... I, cannot...

so the cycle continues.. after a few days the table becomes non-existent yet again ._. ..

i got so sick of looking at my table that i went to the library to do my assignments instead of tidying up...

So today after getting frustrated by how i can't find the things i need, i tidied up my table once again... i'm pretty sure in a few days it'll all become messy again... *sigh* .. how people keep their rooms tidy i don't know.... ._. .. my point is, it's not that i don't wish to be tidier... it's just that.. being untidy is part of my DNA....!

-llen-

what i've learnt so far...

2010-11-20T07:12:00.002+08:00

1. i probably look very chinese ._. .. i mean, personally even when i see someone who i think is chinese i have second thoughts coz maybe the person might be malaysian, singaporean or hongkie...etc...so i don't directly speak to them in mandarin coz it'd be bad to assume and they end up being japanese and dunno what you're saying mah -.- .. so the other day i was trying to login to a probably faulty computer and this chinese dude just spoke to me directly in chinese saying he thinks it's faulty ._. .. but it's ok i guess... i'm proud of my heritage XD .. just a little embarrassed that my chinese isn't that pro.... :/

2. the cafeteria, amazingly, serves up pretty good curry! back home i usually ask mum to cook something other than rice coz i get bored of it but over here whenever they serve rice i try to pick the rice to go with the main dish coz it's been ages since i've had rice ._. so, many a time they have curry and rice and i must say... the curry is not bad! their nasi goreng sucks though..haha

3. the winds can get very strong at times...... so strong that it can make you feel like flying away.... when it's against your direction, walking gets a little difficult coz your eyes get watery apart from the force going against you... when it's in your direction and you're waiting to cross the road, it feels like someone is pushing you forward onto oncoming traffic.... (mama, you really must eat more before coming here ._. )

4. i realise they don't have fishballs here...... or i just haven't come across any ._. .. i dunno why but i suddenly felt like having fishballs one day.. hrrrrmmm.....

5. i think malaysian mcD is really better than the mcD here ...except for maybe one or two items that we don't have in malaysia ...

6. vaseline is a miracle worker...... when i first came i didn't bother with putting lotion on my hands.. and the wind and the cold soon made my finger bleed.. and my eczema which i haven't had in ages came back and my hands looked...zombified.... then i went to the doctor and he asked me to get a cream which didn't really help me ... but when i used vaseline...ahh...my human-looking hands returned :D

and that is what i have learnt so far in my two months here :) ..

plus the stuff i learnt in class of course XD ....

-llen-

AHHHHH!!!!!!!

2010-11-14T00:55:00.002+08:00

while on the bus today i saw a poster... "Bon Jovi at Murrayfield Stadium"

i couldn't believe it!! i came home and googled.. and it was true!!! BON JOVI IS COMING TO EDINBURGH!!!!

but

they're coming in june... that means..... i won't be here to catch bon jovi D: D: D: .. such bad timing :(

haihhhh....

in other news, my mum was on TV ..hahaha... she was in taiwan walking up a steep slope coz the bus would only stop before the slope and a reporter asked her if it was difficult to walk up the slope -.- .. she didn't even know she was on tv until her friend texted her saying she was on the tvb channel XD ... such random stuff...

-llen-

some habits are just harder to shake.....

2010-11-12T03:11:00.002+08:00

i don't remember when this started but for as long as i can remember i've been a very good procrastinator... i would play first, do homework later.. read fiction first, read textbook later...etc..

And everytime a new phase in life begins, for example when college and uni started, i would start the year off with such energy! set high standards for myself! say to myself :"I will finish my assignments as soon as possible!! RAWR!!"

and for the first few weeks it works... and then i start to slack......

Uni hasn't been so bad thankfully.. i usually get work done early... and right at the start of the course i found out about our management assignment about environmental scanning... it was due today at 4pm...

I gave it some thought a few weeks ago but never got the ball rolling.. i put it on my to-do sticky note and looked at it everyday.... and yet... i only really started to do the assignment last week :/ ...

And then i put it off until a day before submission.. after one afternoon of typing and typing, i was almost done! and then....i... went on youtube ..... and i had a long skype session with chin li to plan stuff...
and then it was 1am already!! i ended up working on it till about 3am and it wasn't done yet so i woke up around 9 to finish it off..

When it was done i submitted it into turnitin, the software that's supposed to check for plagiarism and what not... and we were supposed to attach the turnitin report with our assignment BUT turnitin wouldn't give me my report D: ... and so as submission time drew near i decided to print my assignment first and worst-case if the report still wasn't out, look for the lecturer to let her know...

Thankfully lots of other people didn't get their turnitin reports on time either *chuckles* .. so the lecturer actually sent out emails saying that we could hand in the assignment without the turnitin...hee hee...

But after this very tiring experience.... i think i really need to stop procrastinating in future :/

-llen-

Happy Deepavali!

2010-11-06T01:43:00.003+08:00

I remember going for tuition in ET Klang.. accounts, add maths, chemistry, BM...

I remember the textile shop right below ET.. always blasting festive music whenever a festival is coming up.. When it was almost deepavali they'd play "happy happy deeeeepavali~" ..and close to raya they'd blast all the raya songs too..

It's fine to have music and all.. but it was really annoying because the speaker is right there and when you wait for your car to come around you're subjected to the loud booming music over and over again.... and i used to go there more than once a week.. (probably why i can still remember that one phrase from the deepavali song XD .. )

But now.. i kinda miss it... I've missed going for tuition since A levels (i'm not a tuition freak...i just had really good teachers!) and today being Deepavali... it made me remember that song booming from the speakers of the textile shop... how jammed it always is in Klang whenever there's a festival.. Deepavali actually made me think about Klang ._. .. wonder how i'd feel come CNY .......

-llen-

wasn't my birthday....

2010-11-03T02:47:00.005+08:00

but it sure felt like it was :)

It's my cousin and uncle's birthday today.. it's the only shared birthday in my family as far as i know..

Tuesday being the day i have only one class, i got my lunch and came back sitting in front of my computer watching another episode of Gilmore Girls while munching away.. I checked my mail while i watched and mum sent me an email saying just "Are you back yet?" (her emails have gotten shorter and shorter and sometimes it's as though she's sending me an sms so my inbox has a lot of short messages from mum -.- ) So i assumed she just wanted to skype..

When i called her i just remembered that they were having the birthday celebration but i thought it might have been over and she'd probably be watching her usual hokkien programme.. She didn't pick up though but called me back after a few minutes...

Then i heard many voices.. i would've assumed it to be the tv but it was distinctly the voice of my cousin-in-law ..haha... then only mum turned on the video -.- .. and there everybody was :D

Rachel telling me how much she misses me :) .. cousins, uncle, Nicole, mum, aunt, the cheesecake.. and when my cousin said my hair was getting long Rachel even said "Ah yi, you cut like Nicole's hair lahh" XD .. and they sang the birthday song for my uncle and cousin and i watched and smiled.. :)

it's not my birthday but it feels as though it's a gift somehow... made me feel all warm and fuzzy <3

and here's a picture of me and my fringe which explains why i've been urged to get a haircut XD

-llen-

Family...

2010-11-02T01:31:00.002+08:00

On Saturday night I met up with Chin Li, her mum, her sis and her sister's friend.. It felt really nice to see a familiar face again.. :)

Initially the plan was that i spend the night with them and go back on Sunday morning but in the end i went walking around with them on Sunday too..

And this change of plan was apparently very significant because I made mum worry :/ ..

Today i finally got to skype with mum and she didn't really make a big deal of it though.. she just asked why i didn't tell her about the change of plans..( it was because i didn't have internet but i guess i could've sent her a text when i knew about my change in plans :/ .. )

When dad came up he said i made them worry so much that they didn't get a good night's sleep.. i made mum pace about the room before she slept.. and she got up really early to pace around some more waiting for my email.. it's a pretty guilty feeling, realising how you've made your parents worry..

Then mum proceeded to tell me about her conversation with bro while i was without internet XD

Mum: Your sister's not online.........
Bro : She's out with her friends mah..
Mum: Ya...but she's supposed to be back already..
Bro : Sometimes i go out also i never tell you all lahh...

XD .. ahh.. my bro, how he eases my mum's worries...

Unfortunately, mum didn't stop worrying though.. apparently mum was worried that i took the wrong bus, didn't take enough cash out in case i needed a taxi, lost my way at some point...etc etc... (all of which didn't happen coz i'm responsible and carry a map and enough cash with me whenever i go to the city! hehe..)

So..it was pretty thick-skinned of me and stupid to ask my mum "Ma, do you miss me? :D :D :D" coz she then replied "If i don't miss you would i be up worrying all night about your safety?" ..

:') .. i now owe my parents really good birthday presents ...

-llen-

In Scotland, do as the Scots do!

2010-10-30T06:31:00.002+08:00

Well, maybe not all Scottish people would enjoy it but I just got back from my very first Ceilidh :)

Ceilidh is a gaelic word.. and it's pronounced like "kaylee" ... According to wikipedia a Ceilidh "is a traditional Gaelic social gathering, which usually involves playing Gaelic folk music and dancing"

When I first heard about it I was kinda apprehensive.. i've been told i'm a very stiff/robotic person and i don't think i've ever been good at dancing.. the moves i know are..unmodern and simple -.- .. but since a friend of mine was going i decided to go as well.. at least i'd know somebody there!

The Ceilidh was organised by the chaplaincy and 2 churches came, one to play us the music and another to supply us with food.. (a live band is always a plus for me :3 )
There was a guy who taught us the moves.. and he wore a kilt! and he didn't look funny at all :) .. either that or i've gotten used to seeing men in kilts XD ..

The dance moves were pretty repetitive from dance to dance so you kinda get the hang of it after a few repeats.. i can't quite remember the names of all the dances but we did a Gay Gordon, Flying Scotsman..there was one waltz... and i don't remember the rest of them ._.

Halfway through they let us have a break.. have some sandwiches and scones and other food prepared by one of the churches :) ..
To close off the ceilidh we all joined hands and sang Auld Lang Syne...

I made a very big mistake in my diet today though... i had my coffee at around 5+pm .. and i wasn't hungry before the Ceilidh.. so i went with caffeine in my system.. and i hadn't taken a lot of water today... so it wasn't surprising, given the amount of exercise i WASN'T doing and the caffeine and lack of water, that my legs got a little cramped during one of the dances ._. .. but thank goodness it was towards the end :)

All in all, I had a surprisingly good time tonight! Lots of jumping around..and even if i had sucked at the ceilidh, it didn't matter coz most people were pretty new to it and everyone just wanted to have a good time :D ..

So, if there were another Ceilidh the next term, i'd definitely go!

And i think i really should start exercising coz the feel good hormones really do make you feel happy :)

And now it's time for a shower!

-llen-

skyping with mum....

2010-10-28T22:19:00.002+08:00

is mainly how i get updates on family news :) .. and also mum's way of checking up on me -.- ...

the other day i asked her about grandma..

Me : So did you visit gua ma?
Mum: Soon I will.. I'll tell her you went to UK to study..
Me : Ok...good.. how to say england in hokkien ahh?
Mum : "ing kok" loh...
Me : oh.. ok.. *pause* ..but.. i'm in scotland.. how to say scotland in hokkien? :D
Mum : ..... aiyah... nobody wants to know wan lahh just say england can already!!

(-.- .. so if you know how to say scotland in hokkien please let me know..when i said scotland in mandarin mum even asked me not to coz i sounded like i was saying a certain not so nice word ._. )

-llen-

the first fire drill.........

2010-10-27T14:39:00.002+08:00

It's not really the first but it certainly is the first that people are taking seriously...

They put up a notice asking us to take fire drills seriously just a while ago and many times they have rang the fire alarm but they always shut it off in about 3 minutes so ..no point responding to that...

Anyways.. I went to bed at about 1am last night.... and it was a very good sleep... and suddenly the alarm went off... i tried to ignore it, hoping they turn it off like they always do.. but i couldn't...i got up, pulled up the blind to see if anyone was escaping the building yet and for the first time i saw a whole bunch of people gathered on the field.. so i checked the time (7.22am), grabbed my jacket, keys, and went down XD ..

Outside, the wind was blowing and blowing and blowing... and i always sleep in shorts -.- ..... a friend of mine wore a nightdress and thank goodness she grabbed her hoodie before going out XD .. there we all were...shivering in the morning while the birds gave out an occasional chirp.. and some dude even brought his cigarettes and a lighter (and i thought i wasn't taking the drill seriously -.- ) .. but if there really were a fire..and if it were a not so big fire.. i think we should be gathering round the fire -.- .......

And now i can't quite go back to sleep yet coz i still feel cold... urgghhh... they just had to pick the day i had early lectures -.- ......

-llen-

joy, deflated..

2010-10-25T01:55:00.002+08:00

(A long story about Hitman coming up....don't bother reading if you're not a fan of Agent 47 XD )

From the very day my bro played Hitman 4 and i was his spectator i fell in love with the game..

I wanted to be Agent 47 too! and so i did... the guns and the fibrewire.. the sneaking the mass murdering...good good fun....

Many years after i completed my missions (very badly too coz i have not harnessed my true skills :P ) i decided to learn about Agent 47's past by playing the earlier series... (yes, many years after i was still amazed by Agent 47's coolness)

And so i did..... i played 2 and 3 coz bro was telling me hitman 1's graphic is probably very very.... not so good... (but now i think i really should play 1!)
so when i played hitman 2 and 3 i was older, wiser, stealthier... i could use my brains to figure out how i would execute my mission.... (believe me, it does take some thought on some missions)

After completing 2 and 3 i was hungry for more hitman! i searched in hopes of finding out when hitman 5 would be released... but to no avail... and the only rumour i heard was that hitman 5 would be released the same time as the second hitman movie... (the first hitman movie sucked but i'd still watch the sequel anyway to see how badly they're going to make agent 47 look -.- )

worse off.. bro was saying that the game company had other plans for other new games... and hitman probably was gonna take the back seat D: .. bro was telling me to dream on and there probably isn't going to be another hitman anymore..and so i gave up looking and decided when the time came, i'd know...

BUT!!! bro was so nice in telling me about something he read today :3 .. the voice actor for agent 47 was asked to remove details on his website regarding work on hitman 5 but he confirms that a sequel is coming up!!!

SO.. the very excited me went googling and the first thing i read was that it's coming out late 2010.. and late 2010 is almost here!!!!!! what followed was a lot of hysterical "AHHHH!!!!"s to my bro through msn....
but...... it turns out due to some issues, we'd have to wait till AT LEAST christmas 2011 before Agent 47 is back :( ..

and just like that... all my excitement and joy went *poof* ....... D':

BUT... assuming it does get released in christmas 2011... christmas 2011 is gonna be gooooooood :D :D :D ...

-llen-

Blog Action Day 2010...

2010-10-15T13:10:00.002+08:00

Once again we have come to the annual Blog Action Day! And this year's topic is water....

With water being so important in our lives, it's surprising how little of it some people consume and how much of it people waste..

Normally people would tell you to drink at least 8 glasses a day but I doubt many people actually do get enough water in their systems (in fact, i have to remind myself to drink more water sometimes too) .. we are fortunate enough to have clean water supply and yet we seem to be taking it for granted... In Africa, women walk up to 40 billion hours each year carrying cisterns which on its own already weigh up to 18kg to carry water which is usually not even safe enough to drink yet.. And due to the water's unclean nature, many people die from consuming it too..

And this led me to wonder, shouldn't access to clean, safe-to-drink water be a basic human right? Shouldn't we all be granted this basic necessity?
It was comforting to find out that on 28 July this year the General Assembly of the UN declared that "safe and clean drinking water and sanitation is a human right essential to the full enjoyment of life and all other human rights". It will probably take a long time and a lot of effort to make this come true but thankfully organisations such as WaterAid and TheWaterProject have already got the ball rolling. :)

So, what can we do to help?

I for one can't think of what we can do to directly help the lack of clean water supply in certain areas of the world apart from making donations or volunteering but i suppose we could at least consciously appreciate our water..

Simple things like turning off the tap when it's not really in use, turning off the shower while you're applying soap on yourself, preferably use a bucket when washing the car instead of a hose and not watering the garden when it rains, using the water you washed vegetables with to water the plants, use the water you used to handwash your clothes in to wash the toilet floor..etc etc... Apart from saving water you get to save on your monthly utility bill too...

And another thing we can do is dispose of waste properly... This page from the NRDC explains what we can do on a daily basis to keep our water clean...

Before I end this post i just wanna say, yes, I'm grateful for the clean water i get everyday but, I'm still waiting for the day Klang River becomes clean and sparkly :D .. i have no idea how long i'll be waiting for this dream to come true but it'd be nice to see a clean river whenever we go to the other side of Klang.. someday..

-llen-

been almost a month...

2010-10-14T21:45:00.003+08:00

Time really flies!!

Been staying here for almost a month now and have quite settled in...

am starting to get used to the fact that i need very little time to get to classes in the morning coz it's all so near -.- ..

getting used to the weather... and enjoying watching the leaves turn from green to yellow to orange and falling off....waiting to see bald trees... am anticipating winter :)

and today it finally hits me, what being away is all about...
I must admit, i haven't really felt any homesickness but that's not the point...

being away for a considerable period of time means missing everything in between...

First, i thought about how i'd be missing Nicole's first birthday (coz i already missed her birth by being on holiday last year) .. And then slowly as the birthdays of people i care about come around i realise, i can't be there for them! i'm not trying to say my presence is important lah but it'd be nice to be able to give them a gift, a hug, a card, a cake!! (damn it i used to bake cakes for people!!) and now all i can do is pour out my wishes into an sms ._. .. and if i hadn't had a laptop upgrade i'd have at least some pictures here to enable me to do a slideshow or something to send by email -.- .. (but then i'd be stuck with a horrible lappy so.. :/ )

and now i've kinda lost my train of thought coz i just got back from having dinner -.- ..

-llen-

day out..

2010-10-10T05:37:00.004+08:00

So today has been a rather productive day :)

Eating cafeteria food continuously during the week gets a little boring.. so Rachel (my malaysian neighbour, not my niece XD ) and I decided we'd go to the city and try a Malaysian restaurant..

While we were walking towards our intended destination we saw a sign saying dim sum lunch and 7.99 buffet lunch.. the dim sum was the one that actually caught our eye so we made a little detour.. and it was well worth it :D .. food was reasonably priced and reasonably good.. of course, not the best dim sum in the world BUT good enough.. i had porridge :3 ..

After a very satisfying lunch we walked around for a bit, bought some fruits and headed back..

Then came dinner time.. we went to the cafeteria and got our food... but.. it wasn't nice at all today.. neither of us felt like eating our dinner but felt more like sushi... so, i'm ashamed of what i did next but you might've done the same too! We dumped our food and went out for sushi ._. ..

Since we bought a day ticket we didn't have to spend anymore on bus fare :) ..

Dinner was ok as well.. and we were supposed to wait for the bus back to campus right outside the restaurant.. but that meant waiting for 20minutes and Rachel was a little afraid of waiting there so she suggested we walk to a brightly lit main street to catch a bus.. and so we did...

And that was the very first time i ran towards a bus :) .. the bus had already stopped at the bus stand and i was afraid it would move away soon so i told Rachel to run!! and it went something like this..

Me : That's 25! come on!! *start running*
R : Ok.. *run run run* wait... don't lah..
Me : *stop* ..huh?? are you sure??
R : ok ok.. run!!!
Me : *run run*
R : wait..don't run.....
Me : are you sure???? it's right there!!
R : ok! run!!!

and luckily the people getting on the bus were still buying their tickets.. *phew* .. and it's the first time i ran in my new sports shoes :3 .. but i must say, it is very exhilarating running after a bus :) .. everyone should have that experience at least once! (ok, maybe not in malaysia -.- )

-llen-

love it hate it

2010-10-02T07:15:00.005+08:00

so, some of the things i love~~ about this place!

1. the internet speeed... it's so fast that it's beautiful :'D ..

ok, at the moment that's the only major thing i can think of that i love..uhm..on to things i miss?

1. actually i wasn't really missing family badly or anything.. but i asked dad to send me the pictures from the airport and after seeing the pictures only i started to feel like i miss all of them quite a bit ._. ..

2. being able to walk barefoot.. due to the carpet it's quite unhygienic to walk barefoot -.-

3. food.... today's dinner was curry pasta with meatballs -.- .. i wish they'd just stick to tomato sauce and meatballs but...haih..

4. apples... back in malaysia mum always buys fuji apples.. big, juicy, crunchy apples.. here.. the apples are small..sweet.. but somewhat powdery and not really crunchy :/ ..

5. having a reliable shower... the shower here is so tempremental.. i could be having a nice, temperature-perfect shower and suddenly the water gets super hot and it feels like i'm being scalded.. my hands even turned red like a lobster -.- ... and if it doesn't get super hot it gets super cold...

6. not having to pay for laundry.. haih.. doing laundry is really pricey here -.- ..

7. drying clothes outdoors.. hrmph.. people here use dryers which we ALSO have to pay for -.-

8. taking showers twice a day.. due to the troublesomeness of taking a shower and the fact that i don't sweat here i have decided to shower only once a day :( ..

9. friends.. need i say more? :)

and on to things that are cool ..

1. one of the toilets in the main building is quite new and they put in auto sensors and stuff so i can flush the toilet, the cool way.. B) .. i fist bump the sensor pad and it flushes :D ..

2. we have our very own lake on campus :D .. and a sunken garden.. but i only have pictures of the lake (taken today after the rain and when the sun emerged)..

up until today i don't feel any major homesickness.. maybe coz i like cold weather and i don't mind the rain..but overall the weather here hasn't been too bad..

shall put up pictures of the garden when i go there :)

-llen-

decision made!

2010-10-01T00:20:00.002+08:00

Looks like i'll be staying on here :) ..

Am getting used to stuff.. not everything yet (need to find out where i can print stuff for free/minimal fee -.- and i dunno how the library works yet..hmm.. ) but everything will be ok.. i hope...

i think study mode is slowly coming back... hehe.. perhaps because my parents were here to take me around that after they left i still felt like i'm on holiday..haha.. but yea.. reality is setting in now.. won't be long before mid sem exam...then finals then home :D .. and food~~ ..i suspect i've lost weight here but i don't have a weighing machine to check -.- .. and my plans of doing sit ups failed because the floor is all carpeted :/ .. maybe i should try that exercise Syn Joe taught me in Penang :D ..

Many people say Edinburgh is a very boring place -.- .. sure, it's no London but it...has its..good points.. ok fine, the city centre doesn't have a lot to see if you're not going to the museum the zoo or the castle but it's still quite a nice place :) ..

And thankfully my lecturers, the scottish ones, don't have very thick accents so classes are ok! just that they still use Scottish slang words occasionally..

shall update more some other time...

-llen-

the weirdo i am..

2010-09-24T01:41:00.002+08:00

my eyes welled up for the first time today (note that the tears didn't roll down my face :D ) .. what a failure -.- ..

all the thinking about which way to go started to bring thoughts into my mind.. all of a sudden i started thinking about family.. home.. how nice it'd be if i could have a face to face discussion with mum and dad about it all.. and then i went out to get my dinner at the cafeteria alone.. then i started missing the food back home... how nice it'd be to have a bowl of fish head meehoon.. or kuey teow soup.. ANYTHING warm and soupy and can be eaten with chopsticks.. and porridge too..and all our family gatherings with awesome food..and how nice it'd be for us to just get into bro's car and go out for lunch together..how much fun it was to hang out in bro's room watching movies or series together and watching him play cool coomputer games with cool storyline and sometimes dozing off on his bed and getting scolded by him when he's sleepy and cranky.. and i miss having friends.. only friend i got here now is Kai Ye and she's doing a different course.. most people in class have buddies already and i'll have to just campur into a group, fast.. i miss having credit in my phone which won't run out..i miss malaysian money..

let me sidetrack for a while.. why do the british have a 2 pound/pence coin when they already have a 1 pound/pence coin? how does that make life easier for anyone -.- ..

but i logged on to messenger and had really short chats with a few people and i managed to smile again :) .. thank you so much for making me feel so loved.. i dunno what i did to deserve all the love and support i get from the people around me and i promise to make it up to all of you one day :') ..

now, time to hit the books and leave the deep thinking for the weekends ._. ..

-llen-

timing...

2010-09-22T18:40:00.002+08:00

Came back from lectures today and there was an email from the placement centre...

It was my offer letter from Melbourne Uni..

should i consider it? a chance at a 3-year course instead of 4 years.. and a proper first year uni experience with orientation and everything....

if this letter came earlier i wouldn't be stuck in a situation like this...

every step of the way i kept thinking it was a sign from god... now i'm trying to figure out what god is trying to tell me...

-llen-

"all my bags are packed, i'm ready to go... "

2010-09-07T12:20:00.003+08:00

BUT I CAN'T GO YET ARGHHH....

-llen-

the quest for truth...

2010-09-06T02:42:00.003+08:00

A few days ago i saw a video clip that was being shared by quite a few of my friends.. the name of the clip is "Girl dies (not fake)" ..

When i saw that title.. i didn't really wanna watch it but out of curiosity, i did..
At the start of the video i thought.. maybe she got scared by her friend, suffered a heart attack and died.. coz i couldn't really imagine how it'd play out...

But i found out soon enough.. and i was quite shocked by that video.. and a big part of me thought it had to be real and yet.. a tiny little voice inside thought.. maybe it's not true?
Bro saw me watching the video and asked "what, so your quest for the truth begins again?"
at that moment..the way he said it made me feel kinda embarassed..it made me feel like i was trying to question someone's death.. so i didn't "begin my quest for the truth"...

Then today when another friend shared it on facebook i felt like.. maybe searching for the truth ain't such a bad idea... and so, the quest began....

Many people have been wondering if it's real or fake.. and many people have already concluded that it is fake due to some reasons, such as why isn't there a news report on it (which to me is the biggest factor that makes the reality of the video questionable) ? why was her friend still filming instead of dropping the camera in shock? how could she have been pulled under the car by that hit instead of flying up the windscreen? why is it even on youtube?

Based on those questions.. it all points to the conclusion that the video is a fake..

BUT.. is it really fake..? honestly, i don't know -.- .. only the person who made the video knows and hopefully the truth will be revealed soon.. but for those who have watched it.. do you think it's real? o.O

Update: wheee... the video is confirmed a fake :D .. proof? the actress has a twitter account :)

-llen-

fattening up...

2010-09-05T05:01:00.002+08:00

*walking in front of bro*
Bro: Eh.. you really fat liao lehh...
Me: yea.. i know... i'm fattening up for winter you know..

-.- .. i know.. it's a lame excuse for not having exercised.. what's worse is that i'm blessed with a family that loves me very much and will feed me with their delicious creations regardless of my rotundness ._. ..

-llen-

technology...

2010-09-02T12:43:00.002+08:00

on results day i tried to check my results with the online system and failed..
i later found out that a lot of people were having this problem.. fine..

and then i submitted my visa last friday... i tried to track it on monday, "invalid search" ..
i tracked it on wednesday since tuesday was a public holiday, "invalid search"
i track it today... "invalid search"

i'm starting to feel like these online systems hate me -.- ..

and now i'm preparing myself for the day my visa doesn't get approved on time..

-llen-

2010-08-30T20:38:00.004+08:00

if i can't be my natural nutty/crazy/silly self around you people, how can i call you the closest people to me?

i may be wrong but i guess you'd like me to be void of a personality and i'm sorry but i'm not ready to turn into a robot yet..

-llen-

call me childish...

2010-08-28T18:21:00.002+08:00

We were having dinner the other day and as usual the tv was on..
What was not so usual was the advert that we saw... it was the mamy poko ad :D

And in that ad is the mamy poko mascot, poko jang...

and poko jang is very cute :3 ..

i know these mascots are usually not sold as your normal plushie but oh how i wish poko jang was... ever since i learnt how to make a pillow by hand i thought, maybe making plushies isn't that difficult.. and so i have decided that one day, i will make a poko jang!! though i'll probably start with a basic teddy first..

and then i started thinking... am i the only 18 year old who still likes collecting cute plushies?? :/
in fact, i just got the sakae frog plushie recently ._.

-llen-

haihhh...

2010-08-24T13:23:00.003+08:00

I always thought driving wasn't THAT hard.. but i was wrong... so wrong -.- ..

Today I had my very first probationary driving lesson (after getting P license we have to be trained until dad is satisfied before letting us venture out onto the roads unsupervised..) and i must say i'm such a noob at driving :/ ..

why can't i turn gracefully/properly...??? i keep feeling like i'm not seeing things properly.. and maybe i'm a little too cautious at times but..haih.. even cautious people also get hated on the roads..
and then there are so many impatient people who are inconsiderate of new and very afraid drivers and some of them assholes even try to ruin your life by squeezing into your lane when you can't even move to accommodate for their squeezing in because there is another car on the other lane on a 2-lane road and it scares the crap out of you because it looks so very much like an accident could've happened but thankfully nothing happened and your dad gets mad at them and scolds knnccb ._. ...

but once again... i will not give up!! driving is so important and so useful that it is essential to master this skill! hrmph.. ever since Rachel and then Nicole were born, i'd always fantasize about picking them up from school once in a while when they don't have transport, just like how my aunt/cousin/brother would when my usual transport wasn't available :) ..
for now, it is still a fantasy but one day..hopefully one day i will pick them up and take them for McD or something!!

-llen-

maybe this is how it's supposed to be....

2010-08-17T22:35:00.003+08:00

Results have been out for almost a week already and yea.. i screwed up...
i just needed one subject to be better to be able to say "yea i'm going to UK" but it didn't turn out that way.. it turned out such a way that i have to wait till this Thursday to see if the uni will still take me in despite messing up so badly.. and i hope i wasn't too late in sending that e-mail to try to show them that i really wanna go there.. :/ .. i didn't know how much i wanted it until i couldn't have it..

BUT..thankfully my results qualified (edit:i need to remind myself that though i qualify i haven't been given a place so i should really not keep my hopes up -.- ) me for my backup plan (not chinese medicine XD) which was to go to the other end of the earth.. Aussie..more specifically, Melbourne U :)
do i deserve to go? maybe not..i'm still wracked with guilt and even though i qualify for the course i feel like i probably deserve to just go to a uni/college here for my degree but i guess all i can say is that i'm really grateful for having my parents' support and encouragement..

i still don't know where i'm headed to next.. and i don't know where to bury my face when so many other people have done so well.. but i'll take this as a lesson and move forward..coz that's the only thing i can do..

lately i haven't done anything worthy to be proud of.. i think it's about time i change that ..
coz when you're really down about something and you recall every one of your past failures, it doesn't feel good..

-llen-

as results day nears...

2010-08-10T23:57:00.003+08:00

it's just a day away now actually... :/ ..

i haven't been really stressing over it because i had other stuff to think about... but now reality is slowly setting in.. results day is so close.. i will finally find out how badly i did.. i will finally find out if i get to go to uni this year... i will finally be free of a lot of uncertainty...

and that's why i've been looking up my options once again XD ..

there are a lot of backup plans on my mind right now.. and at the bottom of that backup plan list (meaning if i do oh so exceptionally badly..) i could go to IMU to do chinese medicine... XD ... i doubt my mum took me seriously when i told her but hey, who knows? what if i end up being a damn good chinese medicine practitioner, doing hot suction cup therapy thingys on people's backs and poking people with needles and watching them cringe in pain in France (according to the IMU site chinese medicine is catching up in many countries, including France ..hahaha) i sure wouldn't mind if it turned out that way XD .. mum's first reaction to the hot suction cup therapy was "what if a perverted guy ask you to do therapy on him" .. pfft.. normal doctors get the occasional perverted patient also mah..

but on a more serious note, with every other course i've ever considered (even law for that matter) , i really don't know if i can do well in it.. i used to think maybe if i did culinary my love for the course would keep me motivated but now i'm doubting that too..

so for now.. all i can do is keep my fingers crossed and convince mum not to get mad at me no matter the outcome coz getting mad at me won't change a thing since A levels is over and done with and we should look to the future and focus on what we can do and not what we can't change :) ..

-llen-

daddy cool...

2010-08-08T21:58:00.002+08:00

Dad was driving and we were approaching a red traffic light...

Dad: Turn!!
*Traffic light turns green*
Dad: Hehehe.... Powerful lehh!!

heh... sometimes dad's pretty cool :)

-llen-

what's for dinner...?

2010-08-07T22:41:00.002+08:00

Mum and dad had to go out for dinner with their friends and i think mum expected bro and i to cook for ourselves.. but as usual, we opted to eat out :P

I discussed wth bro what we wanted to have for dinner..

Me : Want McD? quite long we didn't eat liao hor..
Bro: Or you want Nando's? Or Sakae?
Me: hmm.. i think Nando's or Sakae.. hmm Sakae?
Bro: So we go Aeon or wat?
Me : you wanna go subang meh?
Bro: Aeon mught be jammed..but i'm fine either way
Me: ok.. then we go subang loh..

So off we went.. expecting subang parade to be not so crowded... it was already 8pm when we left the house -.- ..

after bro parked the car and we were walking to the lift i started thinking about how many plates of salmon sushi i was gonna have, fantasizing about how much wasabi and soy sauce i would put and dipping my raw piece of sliced fish into the sauce.. thinking about how much i'd be spending and if i'd be full enough with just having the salmon sushi...i could almost feel the chewy piece of fish in my mouth with the rice so yummy..

BUT my fantasy was smashed coz when we got to subang parade Sakae was packed... i think bro must've been in a relatively good mood coz he suggested we take a look around and maybe try something different..

We then walked to empire gallery.... and Pasta Zanmai was full, Chili's had a line of people waiting to be seated.. all the interesting eateries were full.... arghh... i suggested sandwich but bro was reluctant at first..

In the end we still ended up at O'Brien's for sandwiches and it was 9pm already....isshh..

the next time i go for dinner on a weekend i won't have such high hopes for having a certain dish anymore...pfft.. -.-

but even after we were done with dinner at 9+ empire gallery was still kinda packed.. people were still coming in.. and chili's was still full ... what's good at chili's by the way?? ._. .. i think i should try their food someday..

-llen-

uh oh...

2010-08-02T12:57:00.003+08:00

It's August already D: ...
the year will be ending in about 4 months!!

I have exactly one week to my piano exam so i'm kinda grounded this week -.- (not practising now coz maid's vacuuming ._. )

and i might just fail again... :/

and then a few days after that is A levels results day *pengsan*

i was looking forward to results day very much actually... coz i felt like the sooner we know the results the more time for planning and stuff but now that the day is actually coming i'm feeling quite nervous :S

-llen-

I have a dream....

2010-08-01T17:17:00.003+08:00

Some people dream about being president..doing great things..changing the world...

But my dream is just to create something that touches people's hearts..
It could be a piece of music..a poem..a story..a picture..even food (i'm not fussy about how i do it)

If i can make that happen someday, i think i'll be content..

maybe it's a silly dream.. maybe this is just a phase.. maybe somewhere along the way as the years pass i will forget this dream.. maybe i'll never achieve it..
but hey it never hurts to try, right..?

And how did this dream come about..?

-llen-