things that piss me off.....

maybe i'm too sensitive..maybe i'm too impatient ... but i'm human.. and sometimes i can't help getting mad at some things/people.. (it's going to be very vague and non-specific coz it's too dangerous to be too specific -.- .. if i get too specific i'm gonna have to privatise the blog...)

pretentious people get on my nerves especially... i get behaving a little differently around certain people..sometimes you need to speak a certain way with different people, that's fine.. sometimes you need to control your behaviour around certain people and that's fine too.. i do that sometimes when it's necessary too...
but when someone's too volatile, it's so hard working out who they really are.. it's just difficult being around such people... especially when they are pretentious to you very frequently..

and then there are people who say this and do that.. say something about someone else but are that way themselves... i really don't get it... do they not see it? if they don't see it then it's fine but if they do then i really don't know what to say...

then there's also people who jump to conclusions about you.. people who assume you are this way when actually you didn't mean to come off that way.. (and if you really thought of me as a friend you probably wouldn't have said that in front of some other people and as though i've done something so wrong and try to humiliate me in your own way coz see how it ended?)

people who expect you to be there for them all the time and people who think they come first on the list, on ANYBODY'S bloody list..geeez... i'm all for being a good friend and helping out people and stuff and especially when it's important/urgent but saying as though it's so urgent when it isn't at all just because you can't wait for a few more minutes?

pfft, screw you.... am i not human to you? do i not have my needs? do i not have priorities in my life? am i just someone who's there for you to conveniently push around when you fancy it?
it's not like you really care about me anyways.. ok..maybe you do care but if i really felt like you cared i probably wouldn't be doubting it would i??

i can tolerate many things.. once or twice, maybe even more than that.. i don't mind helping people out, i really don't..

but at some point i think it's gonna come loose..when i finally can't stand it anymore i will just erupt.. and i can feel it unravelling already...in fact, i can feel the volcano has boiled over a few times now...but not fully erupted yet...

and yet..i know it's silly, i know it's stupid.. but i do hope that people won't dislike/hate me for no good reason.. maybe i've hurt people's feelings before too.. and i'm really sorry if i have (though people who i've hurt probably won't be reading this anyways...)

maybe it's silly of me to hope that people won't hate/dislike me.. because it's impossible for everyone to like you even if you've been nice to everyone... yiishhh...

but at the end of it all..i know i'll probably continue being pushed around by you.. i'll continue holding it all in.. coz you can never tell someone things like this, it'll only end badly..
i don't hate/dislike you all the time.. and whenever i feel i do, i somehow convince myself to not feel that way about you because it's not true all the time.. sometimes you can be really nice and then i feel guilty for ever disliking you but when you get on my nerves again the cycle repeats itself and it's just so damned frustrating...grrrr....

the fact that you are so loved by so many people, well.. maybe it's me that has a problem.. coz there can't be so many blind people out there... or could there?


*sigh*

feeling much better now... maybe i have erupted... and thankfully it's here instead of in your face..

next post will be a happy one, i promise...

-llen-