more than ever..

sometimes the obvious things aren't that obvious...

i realise i've been slacking A LOT when it comes to studies, perhaps even more than i used to which is really really bad considering the stakes are higher this time around... not getting a good grade will be just disappointing..and a waste of resources..

but above that, (i know this may sound like some "Mulan" or overdramatic statement but i'm only saying it coz i do feel it).. above the self disappointment and waste of resources, i feel like i'd be bringing shame to my family... not only my parents, brother, but cousins, aunts..uncle.. everyone who's back home, rooting for me (at least i think they are)

and just looking at how my nieces are growing up (in case it isn't clear, they mean quite a lot to me) i suddenly realise that i have a responsibility to do well.. to be, if not a good role model, at least someone who was ok, someone who could in future share with them stuff like how my cousin once shared with me.. well, they might not need me considering their parents are pretty hip and modern :p but hey, if they ever ask me stuff in future, i wanna be able to tell them stuff!

i dunno if this all seems irrational or crazy but i guess at the end of the day, even if it's not for anyone else, i guess i should've realised long ago that i at least owe it to myself, my future self.. to achieve something..

i think my motivation's here :)

-llen-