maybe this is how it's supposed to be....

Results have been out for almost a week already and yea.. i screwed up...
i just needed one subject to be better to be able to say "yea i'm going to UK" but it didn't turn out that way.. it turned out such a way that i have to wait till this Thursday to see if the uni will still take me in despite messing up so badly.. and i hope i wasn't too late in sending that e-mail to try to show them that i really wanna go there.. :/ .. i didn't know how much i wanted it until i couldn't have it..

BUT..thankfully my results qualified (edit:i need to remind myself that though i qualify i haven't been given a place so i should really not keep my hopes up -.- ) me for my backup plan (not chinese medicine XD) which was to go to the other end of the earth.. Aussie..more specifically, Melbourne U :)
do i deserve to go? maybe not..i'm still wracked with guilt and even though i qualify for the course i feel like i probably deserve to just go to a uni/college here for my degree but i guess all i can say is that i'm really grateful for having my parents' support and encouragement..

i still don't know where i'm headed to next.. and i don't know where to bury my face when so many other people have done so well.. but i'll take this as a lesson and move forward..coz that's the only thing i can do..

lately i haven't done anything worthy to be proud of.. i think it's about time i change that ..
coz when you're really down about something and you recall every one of your past failures, it doesn't feel good..

-llen-