differences..

i wish everyone knew how to at least try to understand how we're all different, have different principles and tastes before questioning you about this and that and ..argh..i dunno.. maybe i should be the one who's more understanding?


if i can't wish for the world to be more understanding maybe i'm the one who just needs to adapt .. maybe i'm the one who should care less what people think about what i do and how i do things coz at the end of the day what's the point in pleasing the whole world only to feel sucky about yourself..


people often say they wanna find themselves as they grow up.. i want that too but it just seems like day by day i'm losing myself.. i just don't know what i want in life anymore.. some days everything just seems quite meaningless.. what's the point in pursuing an education abroad if you can't even get an internship abroad OR even at home.. what if at the end of the day after all that money is spent i can't find a job.. 


i used to feel like i was good at certain things but nowadays that's not true anymore.. everything i do is just mediocre at best and we all know mediocre won't get you anywhere.. 


i dunno if it's the weather that's got me so down that i've just unlocked the cupboard where all my negative thoughts are stored or it's just time to get some things out of my mind..


oh yea.. and what's up with people who are supposed to be your friends just talking you down all  the time thinking that they know you so well.. grr.. 


i'll admit it, i DO have an ego problem.. i do (i admit irrationally) tend to want to prove myself over things that people say and kinda hurt me.. someone would call that childish.. and make it out as though having an ego is so wrong and stupid.. sorry i'm not perfect i guess..


i dunno how i got to feel so angry and whiny.. i guess i'm just not happy with myself and i haven't been for a long time.. 

if there's something i've learned about myself it's that i hold on too much to the past most of the time.. i find it hard to let go of something especially if it resulted from my stupidity .. and i just don't want to give myself any more reasons to hate myself in the future.. 


-llen-