Finally back in Edinburgh... after about a week + with my bro...
The thing about this trip was.. i went to his place twice (long story) but the point is.. the first round i went, i didn't feel very attached to his place.. but the second round, i dunno.. maybe his place kinda grew on me..
His classes started already so today we went out to the city together in the morning and he went to class while i entertained myself for around 6 hours -.- ..
Yesterday night while i packed.. i already felt a bit..sad... not really sad but more like having a blank expression.. no feelings.. like a robot... even when i found something funny i couldn't laugh full-heartedly.. and that's probably when the heavy heartedness started.. and probably why i couldn't sleep much too...
Then morning came.. and on the bus, bro slept as usual... and when we arrived at the city and got down from the bus he had a sleepy smile look and said "guess this is goodbye" and when i suggested i walk him to college before going around the city alone he wouldn't let me... -.- .. but in the end when we had to part ways i had a big smile on my face and waved to him..
walking around the city was still ok... but there was this busker with his electric guitar..playing songs that tugged at my heartstrings...
long story short, by the time i was walking to the station i was close to tears... heart feeling really heavy... might've been because i didn't have enough sleep, might've been the coffee.. but i'm guessing mostly it's neither of the two reasons...
and on the train, my eyes did well up.. good thing nobody was in the same carriage as me... and even when i got back to Edinburgh and got on the bus my eyes welled up again.. *sigh* never thought i was so weak but there you go... i have separation anxiety... :/
the funny thing is after all these months of not seeing bro i missed him, but definitely not this much.. it's when you hang out again, talk like you would at home, laugh together at stuff that the outside world may not get, eat together, even when he and calls me fat or how he treated me like a servant (he wouldn't let me share his bed even though it's so big -.- .. and i did the cooking etc ).. only after experiencing all this for about a week that it gets so hard to let go :(
hopefully i adjust back soon... no time for feeling sad now... i think i'll be fine.....
-llen-
