if i can't be my natural nutty/crazy/silly self around you people, how can i call you the closest people to me?

i may be wrong but i guess you'd like me to be void of a personality and i'm sorry but i'm not ready to turn into a robot yet..

-llen-

call me childish...

We were having dinner the other day and as usual the tv was on..
What was not so usual was the advert that we saw... it was the mamy poko ad :D

And in that ad is the mamy poko mascot, poko jang...

and poko jang is very cute :3 ..

i know these mascots are usually not sold as your normal plushie but oh how i wish poko jang was... ever since i learnt how to make a pillow by hand i thought, maybe making plushies isn't that difficult.. and so i have decided that one day, i will make a poko jang!! though i'll probably start with a basic teddy first..

and then i started thinking... am i the only 18 year old who still likes collecting cute plushies?? :/
in fact, i just got the sakae frog plushie recently ._.


-llen-

haihhh...

I always thought driving wasn't THAT hard.. but i was wrong... so wrong -.- ..

Today I had my very first probationary driving lesson (after getting P license we have to be trained until dad is satisfied before letting us venture out onto the roads unsupervised..) and i must say i'm such a noob at driving :/ ..

why can't i turn gracefully/properly...??? i keep feeling like i'm not seeing things properly.. and maybe i'm a little too cautious at times but..haih.. even cautious people also get hated on the roads..
and then there are so many impatient people who are inconsiderate of new and very afraid drivers and some of them assholes even try to ruin your life by squeezing into your lane when you can't even move to accommodate for their squeezing in because there is another car on the other lane on a 2-lane road and it scares the crap out of you because it looks so very much like an accident could've happened but thankfully nothing happened and your dad gets mad at them and scolds knnccb ._. ...

but once again... i will not give up!! driving is so important and so useful that it is essential to master this skill! hrmph.. ever since Rachel and then Nicole were born, i'd always fantasize about picking them up from school once in a while when they don't have transport, just like how my aunt/cousin/brother would when my usual transport wasn't available :) ..
for now, it is still a fantasy but one day..hopefully one day i will pick them up and take them for McD or something!!

-llen-

maybe this is how it's supposed to be....

Results have been out for almost a week already and yea.. i screwed up...
i just needed one subject to be better to be able to say "yea i'm going to UK" but it didn't turn out that way.. it turned out such a way that i have to wait till this Thursday to see if the uni will still take me in despite messing up so badly.. and i hope i wasn't too late in sending that e-mail to try to show them that i really wanna go there.. :/ .. i didn't know how much i wanted it until i couldn't have it..

BUT..thankfully my results qualified (edit:i need to remind myself that though i qualify i haven't been given a place so i should really not keep my hopes up -.- ) me for my backup plan (not chinese medicine XD) which was to go to the other end of the earth.. Aussie..more specifically, Melbourne U :)
do i deserve to go? maybe not..i'm still wracked with guilt and even though i qualify for the course i feel like i probably deserve to just go to a uni/college here for my degree but i guess all i can say is that i'm really grateful for having my parents' support and encouragement..

i still don't know where i'm headed to next.. and i don't know where to bury my face when so many other people have done so well.. but i'll take this as a lesson and move forward..coz that's the only thing i can do..

lately i haven't done anything worthy to be proud of.. i think it's about time i change that ..
coz when you're really down about something and you recall every one of your past failures, it doesn't feel good..

-llen-

as results day nears...

it's just a day away now actually... :/ ..

i haven't been really stressing over it because i had other stuff to think about... but now reality is slowly setting in.. results day is so close.. i will finally find out how badly i did.. i will finally find out if i get to go to uni this year... i will finally be free of a lot of uncertainty...

and that's why i've been looking up my options once again XD ..

there are a lot of backup plans on my mind right now.. and at the bottom of that backup plan list (meaning if i do oh so exceptionally badly..) i could go to IMU to do chinese medicine... XD ... i doubt my mum took me seriously when i told her but hey, who knows? what if i end up being a damn good chinese medicine practitioner, doing hot suction cup therapy thingys on people's backs and poking people with needles and watching them cringe in pain in France (according to the IMU site chinese medicine is catching up in many countries, including France ..hahaha) i sure wouldn't mind if it turned out that way XD .. mum's first reaction to the hot suction cup therapy was "what if a perverted guy ask you to do therapy on him" .. pfft.. normal doctors get the occasional perverted patient also mah..

but on a more serious note, with every other course i've ever considered (even law for that matter) , i really don't know if i can do well in it.. i used to think maybe if i did culinary my love for the course would keep me motivated but now i'm doubting that too..

so for now.. all i can do is keep my fingers crossed and convince mum not to get mad at me no matter the outcome coz getting mad at me won't change a thing since A levels is over and done with and we should look to the future and focus on what we can do and not what we can't change :) ..


-llen-

daddy cool...

Dad was driving and we were approaching a red traffic light...

Dad: Turn!!
*Traffic light turns green*
Dad: Hehehe.... Powerful lehh!!

heh... sometimes dad's pretty cool :)

-llen-

what's for dinner...?

Mum and dad had to go out for dinner with their friends and i think mum expected bro and i to cook for ourselves.. but as usual, we opted to eat out :P

I discussed wth bro what we wanted to have for dinner..

Me : Want McD? quite long we didn't eat liao hor..
Bro: Or you want Nando's? Or Sakae?
Me: hmm.. i think Nando's or Sakae.. hmm Sakae?
Bro: So we go Aeon or wat?
Me : you wanna go subang meh?
Bro: Aeon mught be jammed..but i'm fine either way
Me: ok.. then we go subang loh..

So off we went.. expecting subang parade to be not so crowded... it was already 8pm when we left the house -.- ..

after bro parked the car and we were walking to the lift i started thinking about how many plates of salmon sushi i was gonna have, fantasizing about how much wasabi and soy sauce i would put and dipping my raw piece of sliced fish into the sauce.. thinking about how much i'd be spending and if i'd be full enough with just having the salmon sushi...i could almost feel the chewy piece of fish in my mouth with the rice so yummy..


BUT my fantasy was smashed coz when we got to subang parade Sakae was packed... i think bro must've been in a relatively good mood coz he suggested we take a look around and maybe try something different..

We then walked to empire gallery.... and Pasta Zanmai was full, Chili's had a line of people waiting to be seated.. all the interesting eateries were full.... arghh... i suggested sandwich but bro was reluctant at first..

In the end we still ended up at O'Brien's for sandwiches and it was 9pm already....isshh..

the next time i go for dinner on a weekend i won't have such high hopes for having a certain dish anymore...pfft.. -.-

but even after we were done with dinner at 9+ empire gallery was still kinda packed.. people were still coming in.. and chili's was still full ... what's good at chili's by the way?? ._. .. i think i should try their food someday..

-llen-

uh oh...

It's August already D: ...
the year will be ending in about 4 months!!

I have exactly one week to my piano exam so i'm kinda grounded this week -.- (not practising now coz maid's vacuuming ._. )

and i might just fail again... :/

and then a few days after that is A levels results day *pengsan*

i was looking forward to results day very much actually... coz i felt like the sooner we know the results the more time for planning and stuff but now that the day is actually coming i'm feeling quite nervous :S

-llen-

I have a dream....

Some people dream about being president..doing great things..changing the world...

But my dream is just to create something that touches people's hearts..
It could be a piece of music..a poem..a story..a picture..even food (i'm not fussy about how i do it)

If i can make that happen someday, i think i'll be content..

maybe it's a silly dream.. maybe this is just a phase.. maybe somewhere along the way as the years pass i will forget this dream.. maybe i'll never achieve it..
but hey it never hurts to try, right..?


And how did this dream come about..?




-llen-