day 5..

5th day of being home... been alright so far :) .. though i was extremely bored on the second day... bored to the point that i whined to mum and dad about it :p ... think i surprised them coz they probably didn't expect me to be bored so soon..heh.. can't wait for bro to come home though :/ .. wonder when i became so attached to him -.- ...

anyways, main reason for this post is to share a song i've been hooked on..hehe :)
it's a pretty old song but one that i just discovered...




yea, it's a sappy love song but somehow i really like the melody of the chorus :3

and, 5 years ago on this date, a little bundle of joy came into this world :) .. she was so tiny.. so fragile.. then she grew to be so chubby and strong.. she was my little potato <3 .. well, she ain't a potato no more..
happy birthday Queen Rachel :)

most recent picture i have of her, modelling the shirt i got for her :3

-llen-

too sentimental...

packing was tough enough, didn't want to throw out some of the papers, brochures and receipts i've saved.. ended up storing loads of boxes, and still having quite a bit of stuff to take home..

the campus is pretty much empty now.. even the crows (or are they ravens?) have come to forage through the gigantic rubbish bins the uni has put around here...
the rain showers down, the wind still as strong as ever..

it's hard to part with this... all of it..

i had a lonely start, just like most phases i've passed..but this time i also started out with resentment.. resentment at myself for failing to get into the unis i'd planned to go to.. and giving up a spot at a uni i used to dream about going to.. i was disappointed at myself, and sometimes i still am..

but i was excited too.. i was glad i'd still get to study overseas.. glad i have a shot at getting things right again.. glad i came to this beautiful city that is Edinburgh.. but somewhere inside, that nagging feeling that i'd let myself down by coming to this uni ate at me sometimes..

things changed over time.. i found a few very valuable friends, who made me feel loved.. who i felt comfortable being myself fully again. i hadn't felt that in a long time..
it made me forget about the people who made my experience here crappy.. i was drifting away from those people anyways.. and i grew to love this place more and more, and especially the people.. i'm glad my first year of uni was filled with so much laughter, even though it mostly came towards the end..

and now as i type this, i look around in my rather empty room.. the drawers emptied days ago..shelf and closet almost the way it was when i came..and the softboard, empty..
i've been looking out the window from time to time this whole day.. taking in the view that i had over the past 9 months.. that tree with its branches and leaves rustling loudly when the wind blows..i'm even going to miss the birds chirping at the weirdest hours of the day..

i look around my room..thinking to myself, this was "home" for 9 months.. and this hall, living here meant learning tricks like working the shower.. and i won't forget the few times i sneaked down to use the boys' shower coz our shower wasn't working.. i won't forget hearing the people partying in the lounge, never really did annoy me except that one time...

i'm glad i have tonight alone... to just sit down and take it all in... to just reflect and think about this past 9 months.. i know, we shouldn't dwell on the past but i do feel like i've learned some valuable lessons being away from home.. and i suppose meeting the people that really got on my nerves wasn't so bad after all..

never again will i be able to come "home" to 202 Pentland A.. i don't know how or why i've become so attached to this room.. it seems so perfect after i'd been to so many other rooms.. the perfect size, perfect layout for me.. and i hope i won't cry tomorrow when i leave..

as much as i'm looking forward to going home, my heart feels heavy leaving this place..
mainly because i don't know if i'll be studying here for 2nd year.. time really changes everything.. i can only hope and pray that what i'm doing is right for myself..

i don't know what lies ahead for me or what i'm going to do yet.. i don't know how much circumstances would change if i take a different path.. but all i know is, i'm happy that i came to this uni.. i'm grateful for the people i've met and it's been a good experience..

no regrets.

it's hard to say goodbye... but i guess if i do leave, i'm still just a bus ride away.. and that, is quite a comforting thought...

i have 16 hours left in this city, about 12+ hours left on campus.. i'll try make the best of it.. :')

see you soon Malaysia...

-llen-

"all my bags are packed, ..."

the next line is supposed to be "i'm ready to go"

but for me it's: "i gotta repack my bags T.T ... "

don't wanna go over the limit and pay for it so i'll have to take a whole bunch of stuff out and think about what to bring back again.... *sigh* ... it's days like these that i wish i had magic powers -.- ..

but on the very very bright side, hopping on the plane in 3 days!!! ahhhhhh!!!!!!! :D :D :D ...it's funny how i wasn't homesick all this while but the closer i get to the day i get to go home, the more anxious i feel..hehe :3


-llen-

hmm..

it's not the first time something like this has occured.. when something pisses me off i get really angry and after a while...i'm fine -.- ... in a way i'm glad i have low retention of anger but sometimes i wish i don't explode at such a high intensity either.. *sigh* .. but oh well.. can't think about that now, it'll just make me feel bad even though i'm not to blame..

time for some happiness :)

today it is monday, monday~ tomorrow it is tuesday, tuesday~ we, we, we so exciiiited...

unfortunately that friday song sometimes suits situations too well -.- ..
finished my management paper this morning (wheee!!!!) and i'm convinced my fingers may deform after the next 2 exams... a whole 2 hours of writing and drawing charts and digging information out of my brain...

and the only thing on everyone's minds is the thought of going home... i'm thinking about the things i wanna eat already :3 .. 6 days till i board that plane~~~~ ahhhhh!!!!

ok... time to study... or else i can't go home with pride :p

-llen-

who do you think you are..

i've never had to deal with people like this before... and i don't care if people think i'm selfish, don't care if people think i'm evil.. don't care if people think i'm a bitch...

coz to be honest, i don't have the time or energy to deal with people like these... especially not now..
just because you don't care about your grades doesn't mean i don't..
why should i be involved in your immatureness, why should i be the one to look after you when you can't look after yourself.. why DO i bother...

i just wanna run away....

and i hope that next sunday comes soon and in the days before next sunday, i hope i will not be disturbed.. can't i just have a good last week of year 1?


*sigh* ... i do wish i had happier things to post and not use the blog as a means of calming down so often..but there you go... things get to me quite easily sometimes...

i hope my forecast for happy days ahead comes true, i really do...

-llen-

remember when...

7 years ago i was crazy over Lin Jun Jie... and i have Ping and Elaine to testify to that! despite a very failed attempt, i must say my once spiky haircut was because of him *blush* .. that haircut got me called "heng dai" by a friend who somehow doesn't talk to me anymore..hmm..

anyways.. few years down the road i lost interest in his songs..didn't quite like the new songs he was coming out with..so i slowly moved on to other stuff...

but today while studying my bro let me watch this:



and suddenly i'm reminded of Form 1.. i sat next to a guy called jun jie who also liked JJ -.- ..i'm pretty sure he was the one who printed out the lyrics which i have in my drawer.. and i used to want to learn the lyrics so badly... i remember Ping and Elaine forcing me to sing in class XD .. i remember playing the CDs over and over in my room..

those were the days, huh?

feeling kinda old now .... aih..

-llen-