study mode: on

i highly doubt this level of motivation is coming from myself.. then again it IS 2 weeks before my first paper...

my flatmate is one of those people who studies consistently, does notes on a regular basis, actually listens to her lecture recordings while i am the total opposite of that...

i only make my own notes while revising for an exam (coz i think if i write something often enough i will be able to remember it..), i record lectures and have not listened to any of it yet.. and here i am, studying 2 weeks before my papers..

but living with her, i think some of her rajin-ness has rubbed off on me... when i see her so stressed i start thinking i shouldn't be so chilled :p 

maybe last year i would've only started studying a week before the exam..heh.. need to really remind myself of my bad habits for next semester :S

-llen-

don't know why..

sometimes i wonder why certain people say certain things in certain situations.. i don't know if anyone else ever feels that way but some unnecessary remarks here and there making things awkward.. even if the intentions were good, it just seems that the words or actions never seem to reflect it..

maybe it's just me being sensitive anyways... haih..

-llen-

 

想念

doesn't take much to trigger this feeling for me nowadays..  (though it's not a deeeep and painful feeling..more like a *siiigh* kinda feeling)

haven't been skyping much with parents this year.. maybe it's because i have a flatmate that i talk to now.. and the fact that i've been out and about more than i was last year..

but yesterday i was just thinking about my nieces..remembering that one of them is going to turn 3 soon..and since asignments are all done i thought i'd write them a letter.. After writing and trying my best to decorate the letter i went on facebook to look at their pictures..then rewatched some videos.. and then i came across the video of my cousin bro's wedding 2 years ago.. and somehow memories that i didn't think i'd remember just came back.. and somehow i seem to form views that i didn't have when i watched it the first time..

i guess it just made me miss the times when the whole family was around.. we've all been so busy growing up.. busy making new memories.. busy taking on life's challenges.. just plain busy.. when i was much younger i'd always think that any family gathering would have ALL of us coz it just seemed that way from what i could remember.. i'm quite thankful that my family is small and close-knit and we all stay so nearby..

but right now, i guess all i really wanna do now is do my best and make them proud so that when i do go home it'll be a happy occasion and we can have a big family gathering again :) 

-llen-

我们都长大了。。

is a thought that keeps coming to mind nowadays..

one by one my friends are graduating..applying for jobs..

that day hasn't come for me quite yet.. but it's just around the corner... *sigh*..

-llen-

helpless

today is just one of those days that i feel so helpless...

ever been face with a situation whereby your close friend was really upset.. and you don't know the best words to say or the best things to do to console them?

i remember in primary school i could still do it, be a good "consoler" .. (i dunno how i remember these things but that was just one moment that i felt really glad i could make someone smile while she was crying, seemed much easier when we were kids).. 

the walls here i realise are pretty thin.. and if i'm not mistaken, those were the sounds of weeping i heard coming from the bathroom.. and all i could do was just continue sitting there in my room not quite sure what to do next.. and i could feel my heart ache just that tiny little bit because she was crying just next door.. maybe i care too much or perhaps it's just the natural response of a friend, i just don't like to see/hear the people i care about feel sad..

but thank goodness i just so happened to have ran some errands for her and that managed to put a little smile back on her face.. maybe after she let out those tears she felt better..well at least i hope she does..

but i guess sometimes staying silent might be better than speaking out too.. i remember once when i was quite upset that someone who was trying to make me feel better actually made me feel even crappier -.- ..

EQ is indeed an important part of life... 

-llen-

:)

the years go by so quickly.. sometimes there's not enough time to stop and catch a breath..

My desktop (like my room) is constantly messy.. filled with folders and files...
Just out of boredom i opened up a folder i got from a friend... has our pictures together and also her own pictures.. the pictures were taken just 2 years ago... and it seems like we look quite different already XD

For one, the most obvious change is the weight gain ._. .. looking at old pictures just gave me a stronger motivation to lose weight..aihh.. not gonna be easy with the cold weather but i'll do my best ><

And the not extremely obvious change would be the "aging" .. Might be a little early to use that term but i never thought i had "baby fat" 2 years ago.. i feel like my face does look a bit different..

But all those changes aside, just looking at those pictures made me smile a big wide smile :) .. those happy times are so easily forgotten, the memories so easily replaced with new ones be it happy or sad..
I'm glad i clicked into that folder today.. coz i'll admit i did vaguely forget those times..
At the same time, i know that dwelling on the past isn't the best thing to do.. but i guess it just feels nice to take a few minutes thinking bout the good ol' days sometimes..

-llen-

comfortable is best..

didn't expect myself to be here so soon.. but i didn't bring my diary along with me so i needed an outlet hehe..

there have been quite a lot of events going on since the start of the semester.. and some changes ..

many things aren't the way they were.. mainly people coz that to me is the hardest thing to get used to..
i guess i must've changed as well though i don't feel it but never thought things would be so different just after one summer.. can things ever go back to the way they were? can i ever feel comfortable around you again?

i guess that's what family and long-time friends are there for.. no matter how much time we spend apart, how much we change, we'd still be able to talk..we'd still be able to be quiet and not feel awkward.. we'd still be able to feel comfortable..

this is just another one of those days whereby i wonder who i am, what i stand for..

how i wish life was as simple as ABC.. 

-llen-