*breathe*

Phew... i have one week of exam-less days... though the last week of exam is the killer week... 4 days in a row, 5 papers ._. ...

Today wasn't that bad... but i was sitting in front of a guy who i think had some flu going on so everytime i leaned on my chair i could hear him breathe heavily and the occasional *shhherng* (like breathing in mucous) ... -.- .. it was pretty distracting.. mum chuckled and said "Why you always end up sitting near all these weird people wan ahh?" i'd like to know too, mum..

Well, before the paper the 4 of us were just talking and Vhi asked a question which made us kinda confused coz we weren't too sure.. then Nick said "don't worry.. you don't think about it won't come out wan.." ..now, on most occasions, this would be a very wrong statement.. but today, it was true!!! XD

I was feeling quite good about the paper i retook but the A2 paper was depressing... *sigh* and then i checked my notes and found out i made a few mistakes in the paper i originally felt good about.. issh.. there goes the "I feel good~~" -.-

Had a long nap in the afternoon so now it's time to study again ... :/ .. can't wait for all this to be over ..

-llen-

Exam blues..

Firstly, sorry for double posting hehe..

Something out of the ordinary happened today at the exam hall..
T'was the second paper of the day and in i went to the hall looking for my seat.. I spot my friend whose name is after mine in the namelist so naturally i'd be either behind or in front of her..

And so i checked the tables... both weren't my name..... :/ .. and checking farther down the row i still didn't see my name.. D: but it was impossible that i was in the wrong hall since the people above and below me in the name list were there so i went to tell the lecturer and he assumed straight away that i was in the wrong hall -.- .. only after i said "the person in front and behind me has a seat but i don't" did he check and lo and behold.. there had been a blunder!

so i ended up sitting far back which wasn't too bad..

and the next thing that happened was my "big head prawn" (careless) moment.. after the first paper i switched my phone on and left it in the pocket.. and i have NEVER made the mistake of leaving it in the pocket during a paper before until today.. when the lecturer said "make sure your phones are off and in your bag" then i touched my pocket... "Shit.. why got thing wan?!??!" then i quickly went and kept the phone.. *phew* .. good thing i wasn't the only one :P

So.. all in all.. after today's papers... I conclude that I'll have to rely on my Chem and Econs.. however impossible that is, they're really my only hope... -.-

Ok.. now i really really mean it, i'll only be back in June... ><

-llen-

Dear Rachel,

From a baby to a toddler, I watched you grow
And now I realise, time does not move slow

I used to carry you, so light and small
I could not bear to see you fall
But now you have grown quite tall
And whenever you tell me, "I want to walk"
I think to myself, "Ah, how much she's grown"

As naughty as you may be, I'll love you all the same
"She is my niece" , I say without shame
And though I'm not always there with you to play a game
I hope you know that I'll always love you, all the same

5:57pm 27 May 2010

Happy 4th Birthday Rachel :)

I don't have a birthday present for my niece and i've always wanted to write something for her even if she doesn't know how to read it (and of course I'll write something for her sister as well XD ) .. and while i was taking a break i was inspired all of a sudden so here it is.. i don't know if you can call it a poem but it's my gift to Rachel :)

-llen-

the last time i'll ever use the chemistry lab...

(typed out on 27 may but due to exam rules i'm posting it today..)

Today i went for my practical exam..

It was kinda weird coz back when we were in AS we were pretty much trained to do experiments whereas in A2 we weren't so.. trained -.- ... i seem to have no proper way of saying it but that's how i feel anyways..

So.. i was really thinking what i should study and stuff and flipped through here and there making sure i pay attention to the titration calculations and what not and then.. it did not come out for the exam -.- .. pfft...

I felt more secure the last time i did the practicals.. like i had a whole bunch of time left to check.. not this time.. but anyways..

I had fun doing the qualitative analysis :) .. it's my favourite part.. back in form 5 when we were studying it and not doing practical work based on what they taught us, i thought it was a bitch of a topic since all we did was memorise and stuff but when you're doing practical work it's pretty fun :3

But this time it was even more special coz they asked us to make one of the reagents ourselves.. Tollen's reagent is what it was.. by mixing AgNO3 with NaOH and dropping in some NH3 bit by bit you get tollen's which is used to differentiate an aldehyde from a ketone... and all this while we were studying the effects of adding in the tollen's but we've never seen it.. (maybe only i've never seen it since i was absent a few lab classes) and today when i saw it i was mesmerised~~

It's so shiny.. and metallic and :D .. yes i had this :D face when i saw it.. -.- .. i may still love chemistry after all... :/

Anyways.. this is not to say i did the paper well... -.- .. coz the bulk of the marks come from the more tedious part of the paper so.. yea..

BUT.. i have some ranting to do.. haha...
We're seated 2 to a bench and i ended up with someone i don't know... so i did my thing, he did his thing and as the 2 hours progressed i seem to grow more and more annoyed by him..

Oklah... you can call me too proper in my experimental methods but, basic heating method, when you heat a boiling tube you SHOULD NOT just put the tube there stationary.. you should move it around a bit and after all the question DID say HEAT GENTLY.. not put it on a stove..
and secondly.. i dunno if it's his bunsen burner or he just didn't care but he didn't even adjust the flame to a blue flame.. So while he was putting his boiling tube there it got all black and the contents looked like they were gonna fly out at any moment but he didn't care and he DID NOT point the boiling tube away from me.. (i was very close to putting on my safety goggles)..
and another thing about his flame.. we were supposed to prepare a water bath and so i did and my beaker was fine and not "chao da" (charred) even if i left it on for a long long time but HE... arrghhhhh.... he had a big flame.. a big YELLOW flame.. which sort of burned the wire gauze and made the area so damn stinky!! and his whole beaker was charred and he didn't care... he just left it on... charring away... and i couldn't say anything because it was an exam...
and overall his experimental methods were pretty weird.. i remember him smelling the thing he heated -.- .. and opening up the stuff we were given and smelling them... i wonder if his teacher told him smells could give clues but..oh well.. -.-

So.. if all goes according to plan, 27 May 2010 marks the end of my touching chemicals and being in a chemistry lab.. Time to wash my lab coat and keep it for good :) .. (will include a picture here once i upload it)

-llen-

that nagging feeling..

Ever get the feeling that something you hope will happen, will actually NOT happen when the time comes...?

I wonder if this is called pessimism... or would you call it your instincts?

whichever way you see it, glass half empty or glass half full.. whatever happens, happens.. if that makes sense..

Shutting down for good now.. I'll be back in June :)

-llen-

a little bit of patriotism..

Most Malaysians are experiencing Thomas & Uber Cup Fever right now ..

I didn't watch from the first match and all but while we had dinner today it was the Lee Chong Wei vs Lin Dan match.. so many times they have been pit against each other.. and so any times we have supported Lee Chong Wei.. but much to our dismay -.- ...

All I can say is.. despite all the disappointment.. I still support Chong Wei :) .. I do respect Lin Dan for his skills which are really killer.. but i'm optimistic i guess.. it may sound silly to some that anyone would support someone who is BOUND to lose but i guess that's what you call patriotism..

And there were 2 main things i didn't like about the match..
1. The Malaysian fans boo-ing Lin Dan.. -.-

Why did they have to do that? be sporting lahh.. you don't boo someone when they're giving their best and beating your player and you don't boo someone because they're not YOUR people.. grow up!

2. Lin Dan's victory dance.. -.- ...

Haih.. okay.. in all fairness.. he HAS the right to be arrogant.. he HAS the right to do a victory dance without his baju but DID he have to do it? -.- .. i wish he hadn't :/ ..

And right after was the doubles game between Malaysia and China..
As patriotic as I am.. sadly.. i do not know the faces of other badminton players..haha.. i'm a failed Malaysian -.- .. so i asked dad.. "which one is Koo Kien Keat?" then dad instantly replied.. "the fat one " XD .. but true... Kien Keat is chubby :3

that was quite an enjoyable game and it seems as though we had a bit more hope.. but alas..our victory was not to be....... *sigh* ...

but the best part was seeing a sign some Malaysian supporters put up which said "Count on you, Holiday!" XD..

-llen-

according to the MRP theory..

I'd be earning very low wages.... very very low...

I don't feel i'm making much progress with revision...i feel so unproductive..
my mind flies all over the place and i can't seem to focus... this is bad... very bad..
the only thing i can focus on is probably maths coz you just keep working on the solutions..
but Chem.. AS Chem.. oh gawd... why.... D: ..

it's not that i don't want to study.. i remind myself over and over i NEED to this well but at the rate i'm going.. i'm questioning myself if i want this bad enough..

it's probably a good time to take action and go to the library to study.. -.-
provided i can wake up early enough......

maybe my problem is i don't shut down my laptop.. so shut down i shall!! right now!!! and i will check emails on bro's comp so i don't have to on my own.. i hope this works :/

lastly, chiong arhhhhhhhh!!!

Out of time and there's nowhere to run - War of My Life, John Mayer

-llen-

This Mother's Day..

My mum belanja bro and me Nando's and bought 2 books for me -.- ...

We don't really celebrate mother's or father's day.. in fact dad doesn't even know when father's day is which is quite convenient.. :p

While we were looking for parking i asked mum.

Me: Ma.. are you .. disappointed?
Mum: Why?
Me: coz... we don't celebrate mother's day with you?
Mum: Haiya.. as long as you all sleep early don't stay awake to play game... (obviously referring to bro and his splinter cell 2 and L4D -.- )
Me: *interrupting mum* But i never play!!
Mum: Huh? then study hard.. be good then ok liao lah.. no need to celebrate wan lah..


and i remember the one time i bought a gift for mum for mother's day, mum called me siao -.- ..

-llen-

A bittersweet moment..

Today marks the end of our less than 1.5 years at Taylor's doing A levels..

we didn't do much studying today.. lots of picture taking though..

Syn Joe organised a potluck for the class and i didn't know what i should bring so i made brownies.. i probably shouldn't have substituted the usual brand of the ingredients with another brand but oh well.. what's done is done...

I went quite late actually..hehe... due to some unforseen circumstances (tummy issues :/ ) .. i almost considered dropping off the brownies and going back but i took a prolactor and hoped i'd be alright :P .. didn't have much appetite so i didn't eat..

i'll leave out the details but i've gotta say.. i had a very unexpectedly good night :) .. or good day.. overall today was great... PE4 rocks :D ..

i'm gonna miss college a lot.. SS15..taylor's..and the people :')

-llen-

who'd have known...

College ends this Friday...

the "i don't wanna leave" feeling is slowly setting in.. It's not so much loving Taylor's but it's about loving the friends i've made at taylor's..

i'll be honest.. i didn't think that i'd be so close to them... that i'd actually have so much fun and laughter when we're having lunch together.. i took quite a long time to really open up to them..to feel i belong somewhere.... i have inferiority complex -.- .. maybe i should see a shrink..
i used to dread college.. dread going into class sitting alone..
but somewhere along the way i started getting to know them better.. we had stuff we could talk about.. we share the same indecisiveness when it comes to lunch.. and the new seating plan has made it easier for communication :D (though it's not always good on the neck.. i wonder if i'll ever get used to facing a whiteboard/blackboard straight on)

we come from different corners of Malaysia (the nearest one to me stays in kota kemuning.. and the furthest in Sarawak -.- ) and we're going to be in different corners of the world really soon..

and though our opinions may not always be the same, i think our gang works pretty well :)
sometimes i feel a kind of warmth from their friendship, like i'm enveloped in a nice warm blanket <3

They are the reason why i don't want this torture session (A levels) to end.. but it's always gonna be this way.. all good things must come to an end..

they're a bunch of people i never want to forget..never i say!! :)

-llen-

either there weren't any teen stars back then or...

i've just become very matured (or old..) -.- ..

i mean.. what's the deal with the Bieber Fever????

he's 16..and i think his voice is just so so, nothing special... to be fair, i've heard only 3 of his songs but i didn't really like either of the 3.. the videos were -.- ..
in fact.. i don't really like his voice...

to make a fair comparison.. i thought of David Archuleta..( because his voice isn't the very manly kind either).. i didn't really listen to a lot of Archuleta songs but i know i like one of his songs ! compared to listening to Bieber's "baby baby baby owhhhh" *shudder*

the only good thing that came from trying to understand why so many people are into Bieber is finding this:




-llen-

have you found yours?

i don't think everyone ends up finding their niche...

some people probably grow old and die doing something they don't love/ aren't born to do..
but really, is there something out there meant for each and everyone of us? are we born to do some things and born not to do some other things?

i don't know where i'll be 5 years from now.. i don't know if i'm going to love what i'm going to do at university.. i don't know if i've picked the right choice..i don't know, i don't know...

i see friends doing things they love.. optimistic about the future..ready to face the world when the time comes.. unfortunately, i cannot feel that way at the moment.. i don't even know if my A levels will be alright..
so much uncertainty.. so lost..

i wish i didn't want so many things... life would be easier that way...

-llen-