i wish i was the energiser bunny...

then i could plonk some batteries in myself and function perfectly!

i think there's something very wrong with my immune system -.- ..

i feel tired a lot.. and my tummy has a lot of wind these days :( .. so uncomfortable and doesn't help me in my studying missions..

yesterday i planned to sleep around 11+ and wake up at 2am to study and i even asked mum to wake me.. turns out dad came to wake me and he is such a lousy waker -.- .. he just nudged me a bit and said "i leave the light on lah, ok?"

so in the end the light was on - uncomfortable sleep
i didn't wake up to study- kept snoozing the alarm - lots of studying not done..

so the combination of it? feeling crappy and very very unprepared for the exams...


after the econs paper in the afternoon i felt totally drained...

*switch on phone*
message from bro..

"Come home fast fast, k? i got pearl pearl"

:) .. hehe.. happy... but still feeling sien -.- ... i drank my "pearl pearl" , ate a bit (seems like roti telur isn't good enough to last me till dinner -.-) and couldn't help myself from napping until dinnertime..

even mum's worried for me : " aiyo... you keep eating and sleeping only how to study??" :(

i think i'll have some chicken essence now ...even if it doesn't actually work maybe i'll be able to cheat myself into feeling more energised -.- ..


-llen-

feel like jumping off a cliff T.T

thank goodness this is trials and not actual A2!!

I think i screwed up terribly for paper 3.. so.. if i even wanna think about getting an A for Maths i really have to do depend on Mechanics..which is not very dependable to be honest :( ..

I think I have to ground myself for the April holidays.. *sigh* .. it's a short term suffering for long term joy XD ...


judging by the way the exams are scheduled.. i don't think i'll get to go to the graveyard this year :( .. but i really really wanna go!! unless mum is willing to take me another day just to leave the flowers... coz if i don't go this year i don't feel like i have "closure" since i may not be in M'sia next year and mum's probably not gonna help me leave the flowers for her since i always do the leaving... haih.. we'll see how it goes...


but now, it's time to pia for econs D:


-llen-

difference between mum and dad...

When talking about celebrities with dad..

Dad: Katherine McPhee very pretty, hor?
Me : Yea.. she is :)


When watching movie with mum...

Me : *points to young Hugh Grant on TV* Ma, he leng zai hor? :D
Mum : ceh.. where got leng zai..
Me : then who do you think is leng zai..? When Sean Connery was James Bond??
Mum : can't even remember what he looks like..
Me : -.- ... don't you think ANYBODY on earth is leng zai?
Mum : *ignores daughter*


Conclusion : females find it harder to express their feelings... XD

haih... blogging is my way of putting studying off -.- ...

-llen-

and so i took my last step out of those gates..

today is the last piano lesson i'm being taught by Ms Ng..
she started teaching me since 2003 i think.. could it be? 7 years??? feel so old (-_-)

that makes her the teacher who taught me the longest coz when i was younger my teachers changed a lot.. blame it on learning at a bad music centre..

as i played on the piano i started to think.. this is the last time i'll sit on this chair.. touch this piano.. walk on this floor.. see this living room..etc etc.. probably should've been concentrating on my playing XD ...

i would've baked some brownies for her if only trials weren't so close :( ..

and as i was leaving teacher said "No need to come to this side (coz she stays onthe other side of klang across the bridge) liao loh.. no need to get stuck in the jam anymore :) .. keep in touch.. "

and part of me felt like.. i might miss going to class on the other side of klang.. it's just like everything you complain about that is routine at the time.. but once that phase is over you wonder.. maybe i'm actually gonna miss all the things i complained about.. -.- ..

so next week i'll have a new teacher... :S .. Ms Ng even told me to practise hard so that i give the new teacher a good first impression.. haih.. trials are at the same time so i doubt the first impression is going to be any good -.- ..

-llen-

time for everything...

Our chem lecturer came in and rushed us to finish up the paper within the hour..

*silence*

all starting on the paper....

Suddenly in a kinda cute-sy voice our lecturer asked:

"Are you guys going to the prom? Wrong time to ask i know but i just wanted to know.. :D "

XD ...


-llen-

FML = fish market labuan

i'm sure i don't have to explain wat fml really means XD ..


-llen-

i don't get it..

(very long post about maid issues... please ignore if you don't have time/couldn't be bothered with my ranting)

why would she feel the need to lie to me..?
why couldn't she ask for permission to use my stuff instead of just using it and then lie to me?

what happened:
the maid gave me a list of songs she said her friend (who has gone back to cambodia and used to work for a chinese speaking family) said were nice and so she wanted those songs.. i think she wanted me to buy the CDs.. being the nice person i was, since those songs matched what i have on my computer/iPod .. so i burned for her, gave her and she said thanks and smiled.. i felt good for being able to give her something..

it was not until after my afternoon nap i realised something was not right..

how come that autumn in my heart song on her list was also from "unnamed album" ..? unless her friend also downloaded?? emi fujita is probably not gonna be played on the radio and i only have one fujita song and COINCIDENTALLY she wanted that song??
everything seemed to point to the fact that she had been listening to those songs in my room for god knows how many hours perhaps with the aircon on while she was supposed to be doing her work and who knows if she lie down on my bed listening to the songs..etc etc......
the only thing in her defense was the paper she wrote on which didn't come from our house.. (it was longer than A4..pure white blank paper)

it made me feel so betrayed.. at the same time i sympathised.. i am happy that she likes music too and coming from a not so developed place maybe these are the chances she gets to listen to music but damn it how could she lie to me..arghhh.. after i've been so not garang.. i've never been garang to her...

and she probably thinks im an idiot who is so easy to fool with her story..

it's just like the time she watched tv and denied denied denied until mum spoke to her "garang-ly" then she admitted..

see.. i don't wanna upset someone who could poison/kill/sabotage me... but.. i still wanna know the truth..

it may not be a big thing but i really really really don't like being lied to..


this is exactly the reason why i HATE having a maid..

i'm no longer a kid so there's a lot of things i already can do for myself so i keep telling mum not to employ anymore.. and also, you pay them for what?? to backstab you despite you trying to foster the best relationship you can with them?? you try to be nice since they come a long way from home trying to earn a living.. you want to make their life more pleasant.. and what do you get in return??

they take your money and laze around ... never putting a 100% into the job.. use your stuff.. lie to your face....

i may just lock my door again because of this...

perhaps i may be getting too worked up over this but this is how i am when i'm disappointed with someone who i thought i could trust..geez.. this is probably a good lesson to learn.. i really don't like to get suspicious of people easily but how can i not when time and again these things happen? gosh.. maybe she was sent here to open my eyes to all the evil in the world... *sigh* ...

-llen-

musical musings...

i've always thought that music is a very complex and subjective subject..

music can invoke feelings.. create an atmosphere ..

sometimes it may not have to be the lyrics to a song..it's just the beat.. the melody.. and sometimes even when the lyrics are crappy, the song still feels good to listen to..

when everything falls into place, it's like magic....

and though many may not feel the same way as you do towards a song, sometimes that just makes it even more special personally..it's like your own secret connection to the song..

just you, and the music...


-llen-

great...

at the time when i need to summon all my strength to study i just can't...

i'll start doing maths and get restless and think about stuff other than maths.. use the lappy now and then... download songs... arghhhhh....

it's not that i DON'T wanna study but.. it seems the engine is un-start-able .. :/

ohh.. and today while we left the windows open in the kitchen and had the lights on a whole lot of termites (are they called termites?? the ones with wings and love to be around lights and usually there's a season for them ??) gravitated to the lights and totally freaked me out to the point i wished they were never created (like cockroaches and flies..what the hell are they for??).. there were so many of them... i was psychologically disturbed.. i kept scratching and dusting stuff off myself even when there's nothing there.. i'll probably be hopeless in the jungle XD ..

right..i better stop here and start burning some midnight oil......

-llen-

i just feel so much more confused after going for the UK education exhibition.. -.- ..

before the exhibition started there was this Southampton presentation and it was nice.. Southampton IS nice.. but so many reasons not to go there.. :/ .. but then again so many reasons to go!!! :( i think mum was pretty blown away coz she asked me "aren't you impressed by Southampton..??"
i gotta admit.. i was kinda impressed BUT... they were the only one who had a presentation.. assuming another uni had a presentation we might be just as impressed...muahahaha..

at the exhibition we asked around a bit for some info and.. i still can't decide.. pfft..

so what i'll do now is make my decision after trials... -.- .. haih.. 3 indeed is a crowd ..


-llen-

knowing your limits..

Had dinner with dad's friend's family.. guess we're sort of family friends..

Dinner was great.. all the yummy food :) .. I thought the night would end there coz bro was supposed to go for futsal..

When we got in the car bro said futsal was cancelled.. so dad called his friend and asked if they wanna go for drinks at Armada.. and we were on our way..

The pub was really smoky but.. that's normal i guess.. (wonder if there's a non-smoking bar -.- ) they have a live band there so it was pretty nice.. except for the fact that a lot of uncles were dancing weirdly.. :/ .. i guess if we didn't go on a friday night it wouldn't have been so packed and happening..

Dad knows i like hoegaarden and he said i could have half a pint :D .. hehe... i drank it all up slowly, pacing myself... coz it'd be pretty embarassing to get drunk in front of family friends.. -.- .. plus i don't know my limit since all i've ever had were sips here and there..

Surprisingly i was ok :) ... but i tink half a pint is my limit.. i can feel the blood in my head...... and now that i'm home i think the effects are slowly coming.. i feel sleepy... and kinda light-headed...

but it's a pretty good experience...

think i'll hit the showers now... early day tomorrow XD ...


-llen-

the pressure is on!

Gahh... trials are coming up.. i have one week and a few days more to prepare..

I don't think i'm ready :( ...

even my tummy is upset :( ....
haha.. i dunno if it's due to stress but bro didn't have this problem despite us eating the same leftovers :/ ...

ohh.. dad picked me up just now and it started to rain.. then on the radio: "Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain~" XD ... such a coincidence :)

-llen-

being a girl... -.- ..

growing up with a brother and a cousin bro kinda made me..well.. not as girly as most girls..

while the other girls were wearing body-fitting clothes and skirts and dresses and heels and necklaces and all the other accessories, i liked wearing baggy tshirts and trousers..sports shoes..i didn't mind being sloppy at all..

until a few years ago i realised i shouldn't BE so sloppy.. and then recently i've been seeing skirts and heels that i felt were kinda cool.. (how can skirts be cooler than trousers?? i don't really know but they occur to me as cool sometimes..but of course i don't mean "cooling" -.-)..

then it hit me...

shit!! is this the turning point...?? am i becoming... a "girl" ...??? :/ ... *sigh* it's a tough fact to face actually.. and i don't think i'm ready to scare my friends who have known me from the tomboy days quite yet XD ...


BUT..


.. despite my knowing i should be less sloppy.. i sometimes still am very sloppy..haha.. usually i don't quite bother with my outfit when i go to college resulting in me probably having worn the same 5 outfits over and over again over this one year+ ..

even my guy friend asked me the other day.. "hey, do you wear this every xxxday?" and i had to admit.. -.- .. yes i did..

guess i need to permutate my wardrobe more XD ..


-llen-

the last one..

hopefully...

Tomorrow i'll be taking my grade 8 theory exam... :( .. i hope i don't screw it up..

If i pass.. i'll say goodbye to music theory once and for all...

the way my piano teacher puts it.. it's the graduation exam.. so.. i really wanna graduate >< ..

exam's gonna be at Kwang Hua :) .. so happy :D ..

-llen-

so "chim" (deep)

sometimes we should and sometimes we shouldn't take things at face value...

Few weeks ago we were waiting outside the lab for Mr Leong to come and let us in and somewhere they were blasting Lady Gaga's Bad Romance..

it kinda got stuck in my head -.- ..

so i went home and watched the video on youtube and i thought.. ee.. so weird wan...

and then i thought of looking for the meaning, not expecting to find anything since.. not all songs have their meanings deciphered... but turns out someone did do some analysing of this song..

Here's the link to his/her interpretation...kinda long but.. it's a little freaky honestly :S ..


-llen-

oh yea...

Cheesecake success!! :)

2nd time making it with this recipe and this time it didn't crack while cooling... joy~~~ ..

tasted it after breakfast/lunch and it's yummy ..hehe.. i rarely say my own creations are yummy..

The thing about a baked then chilled cheesecake to me is that when you're making it you never really know how it will turn out.. you won't know if you've over/underbeaten..or if bubbles will surface when it's baking.. and it's not cheap to make... pretty high-risk project i would say ....

kinda like life...haha.. you'll never know how the decisions you make today affect your life in the future :)

-llen-

Potato no.2

When baby Nicole was born i was almost sure that i won't have another potato niece because she was SO TINY..

But now :) ... she's so cute..... <3 <3 <3 ... i don't get to spend as much time with her as i did with potato no.1 .. while everyone says she looks just like how Rachel did at that age, i feel like there's something else about Nicole.. maybe it's her eyes.. they seem bigger, more shimmery *.* ..
mum just thinks i'm biased coz Rachel's been naughty but no.. i am not a biased aunt!!

but she doesn't seem to be as easy to entertain as Rachel was... :/ .. it's hard to get Nicole to smile -.- ..


-llen-

wee fee... XD

I don't remember what exactly she was trying to say but during econs the other day our rather un-tech-savvy lecturer pronounced wifi as wee fee.. XD ... makes wifi sound so cute :3 ..

And today while talking about economic growth she was talking about double cropping... and she was kinda asking:

"Instead of planting 2 crops.. we plant..?"

And my classmate said "3 crops!" XD ...

if only these moments happen more often to make econs less boring -.- ..

-llen-

below expectations..

When i turned 18 i assumed dad, being the wine fanatic (a bit exaggerated but i dunno what word to use -.- ), would welcome me into the world of wines/alcohol by letting me have at least half a glass to myself...

Wine may not be my favourite form of alcohol BUT.. i thought he'd start teaching me and letting me have more..
While mum and dad were drinking at dinner time i asked "why can't i have one?" and mum said... "coz you're still a kuchi mayo" -.- ... haih.. she just let me sip some as usual....

Maybe i'm supposed to wait till i'm 21... :/

-llen-

connection turbulence..

is so sucky D: .. even when i'm not the one having lousy connection...

halfway chatting then friends go *poof* -.- ..


-llen-

Book sale round 2!

Siu Wee told me that there was another book sale going on :) .. Thanks again! :D

I was busy over the weekend.. and dad wanted to go to a camera store in Amcorp Mall on SUNDAY.. so i convinced him to take me with him today and outlined the whole plan.. he was convinced! so, set! booksale here i come!!

After college we went to Amcorp... i went up to the store myself first.. browsed around.. selection was not as good as the previous round.. and the prices weren't lower than the previous time either BUT still a bargain :) ..

Picked up 2 Stephen Kings.. Silence of the Lambs and something that looked interesting.. some kinda horror killing thingy called Brothers Grimm i think .. 4 books for rm55.60 .. imagine at normal price! would've been at least rm120..

It's some kind of habit of mine to get a whole bunch of books at one shot and have too much to read XD .. but right now i think i'm quite satisfied with my collection already so maybe i won't be buying any books for a while..

The funny thing was the camera store dad wanted to go to was closed on mondays.. hahaha.. i kinda feel like this is my fault XD ..

p/s: just found out Train's music is really quite good :D

-llen-

rubbing salt into wound..

it kinda works actually!

A week ago bro had an ulcer and cousin suggested rubbing salt into it and it'll be fine.. bro of course didn't take the advice..

I just got an ulcer a few days ago.. the kind that happens not because i bit on my mouth but due to heaty-ness.. i couldn't take it anymore coz it's at the side and very very annoying so.. i applied quite a lot of salt onto the ulcer..

It hurt like crazy.. but i'm pretty good at resisting pain.. certain kinds of pain anyway.. it felt kinda numb which resulted in --> :/ ..haha... after spitting out and rinsing i thought.. why stop now.. what if i keep rubbing it on and spitting.. maybe i'll cure it by tomorrow!!

And that's exactly what i did :) ..

though i'm not sure if the ulcer really did become smaller or i'm just numb at the ulcer area so i don't feel it anymore XD ..


-llen-

and so the waiting ends..

Finally.. after ages of waiting for an answer i have expected...

Got the rejection from King's...

Now i don't have to check my email so many times a day hoping for the reply to come XD ...

BUT..

I do have to make a decision on where i wanna study.. i think that's the hard part -.- ..

Going for the UK education exhibition at KLCC on 20th-21st March.. will see how it goes from there... :)


-llen-

College after 1year and 2 months..

I'm beginning to like college :)




Probably a little late to start liking it since it's gonna end pretty soon D: ..


-llen-

:(

Haven't been feeling too well since Sunday.. and my runny nose began on Monday...

I didn't wanna skip college since i didn't have a fever or anything.. i just felt really crappy -.- ..

I fell asleep in class a lot yesterday.. sometimes when the lecturer is talking i feel like my brain has already shut down then when i snap myself awake i realise i haven't written anything in my book D: ... it was very very uncomfortable :/ ...

This morning i still felt crappy.. i couldn't taste my breakfast at all D: .. so i asked mum if i could go see the doctor and rest at home..

So here i am.. back from seeing the doctor... i actually got Flavettes for my itchy throat -.- .. first time getting sweets from the clinic..

The good thing about being at home with the flu is you get to go to the toilet and blow out all the icky mucous whenever you want :) .. glad i got rid of a lot of it this morning..

Down side is missing classes and having to catch up T.T ... guess i should do some revision now..


-llen-

some of the things that stuck..

"I thought naps are only for old people"

That's one of the things i remember from our many phone conversations because i've been taking naps a lot recently and it made me think of you.. :)


I'll never hear that from you again but i'll try to keep it in mind so that i take less naps and do more productive/youthful things


-llen-

Pandamen..

As usual, the tv was on during dinner time and we watched the mandarin news on 8tv..

just before we were done eating the intro for the next show began.. it's a taiwanese series.. called...


PANDAMEN

bro and i had this face watching the intro --> o.O
and we noticed Jay Chou was in this series... instantly we knew.. it can't be any good..

And sure enough.. it was horrendous..!! i watched for a couple of minutes and gave up..

the acting sucked.. the concept was kinda.. weird.. i mean.. a Pandaman.. what can it do? whack the villains with bamboo sticks?

Anybody watching the series please tell me what the pandaman does to defeat evil coz i'm curious to know and don't wanna watch it myself -.- ..

-llen-